First Outing

SO strange to drive again after not only being bedridden for over a week or going through one of the most traumatic events of my life yet (natural labor) but now carrying the precious cargo of a little life. At least I had my mom with me for the first big outing. This is us heading out to our one week check up with my midwife. Here is Brighton, snug as a bug.



It was strange to head back to the birth center where Brighton was born and feel the emotions of that intense night. But it was fun to return this time as a mom with my son and not as a "stuffed" pregnant gal. I was VERY glad to be on THIS side of labor! Brighton had almost gained back his birth weight, back up to 8lbs after going down to 7lbs 11oz during the "no-milk" first few days. He's growing and changing so much in these first couple of weeks. Now much more alert and with it. He's been going through one of his first growth spurts lately and has been eating every hour today. Whew! By the time he's done I have about 30 minutes before he's ready to go again!

He's also had a pretty upset stomach the past few days causing him to spit up a lot more and struggle with the whole gas issue, poor guy. It stinks seeing your little kiddo grimace and wail from pain you can't do anything about. I guess this is just the beginning of learning what it means to hurt for your kids and want to do anything to "save" them from pain. Hmm, a constant battle for lots of mom's I know. I guess this is also the beginning of realizing I CAN"T be his "savior", but Christ can...and is with Brighton, fighting for him, more than I'll ever know.

So today marked the beginning of me feeling antsy as well, and wanting to get "back into life"...whatever that means now with a baby. I walked to our neighborhood co-op with B in the Bjorn and felt a great sense of accomplishment buying our stash of spinach, blueberries and wheat tortillas. Ha, guess it's the gradual steps that'll help me feel like I'm getting back into some sense of normalcy. I still wonder how I'll ever brave an extended outing or trip to a large store without feeling panicky though. After our midwife appointment, my mom and I stopped by Whole Foods to eat a sandwich outside, but B just lost it. We both hurried to get him back in the car and settled down. Ugh, guess I'll need to recruit friends to accompany me on those first few trips out.

That's the latest from the new momma and her gassy sidekick (snoozing peacefully in one arm...so excuse any spelling errors/typos as this was a one-handed blog...yes, it takes WAY too long typing with one hand!)

The final belly shot

He has emerged. We're amazed that all of that boy was inside my belly just a little over a week ago. And he was even a little bit bigger since he lost a few ounces those first few days! Yesterday he fell asleep in the Baby Bjorn so I decided to heed the advice of everyone and "sleep when the baby sleeps". So I just laid down in bed on my back and kept him in the Bjorn on my tummy. I couldn't believe how heavy he felt and how much harder it was to breath and that he'd been living in there at that size for a few weeks!


Today has been more encouraging as I'm learning to not be so scared of making mistakes and just enjoy Brighton. Yeh, he still poops on the changing table (three times in one change this morning!) and is hard to figure out sometimes, but we're learning. Slowly I'm starting to pick up on his cues and learn what his silly facial expressions are all about. One of our favorites is "Blue Steel"...he totally does the Zoolander look at least 5 times a day where he purses his lips together, cocks his chin and opens his eyes real wide. Not sure what that means yet, unless he's practicing to be a male model. Our new nickname for him is Meakus, thanks to Aunt Diggy :0) Matthew has a picture of it on his computer, so we'll post that soon.

Thanks for all the encouragement and emails. It's nice to feel apart of a community even though I've been indoors for almost two weeks now! Much love, Amy & little B

Home Alone

Well, Mom left yesterday and I spent my first full day home alone with little B. Unfortunately, he could pick up on my edginess about beginning this "mom thing" on my own and sadness about my own mom leaving, so he was an absolute pill for the first time. I'd never heard him scream this hard or for no appartent reason at all. Unlike his last 7 days with us, he refused to go to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, but also refused to be put down. So I rocked him, talked to him, cried with him and wondered how I was going to ever get used to being a mom and taking care of this helpless little babe. The crying carried on into the night as he sleep for one hour at a time, making Matthew wander the halls with him, attempt to rock with him, and sooth him in whatever way he could think of. At one point I think we were both looking at each other wondering "What have we gotten ourselves into?!" But we always wake up and look at our little boy with awe and delight and wonder how he can be so precious and yet so annoying at times. I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" during our summer beach vacation in June. I think I'm going to re-read it as she's one of the more candid mom's I've ever heard talk about the joys and stresses of becoming a mom and sorting through the host of conflicting emotions. I'd highly recommend it to any of you fellow first time mommas :0)

So we're alive although insanely sleep deprived. And learning in a new way what it means to walk through the fire and trust we won't be burned (although I sometimes think I can smell the burning flesh) and to pass through the waters and trust they will not overcome us (even though I feel I'm gurgling on water and about to sink). Isaiah 43 has taken on a whole new meaning as we cling to promises that don't seem very real and trust in the Perfect Father when we feel like sucky parents ourselves. Please continue to pray for us as we walk through this rocky first few weeks/months.

More pictures are coming when we get a chance to upload them to our computer. He's so stinkin' cute, it's probably hard to ever picture him being a pill...ha, ha ;0)

pea in the pod

Today is Brighton's official due date...THANK GOODNESS he's already here and no longer the "Belly Boy". Soon we want to take the last official belly shot, of me in that black outfit, I started out taking pictures in, with Brighton held up to my belly. How wild that our son is here...it still hasn't ceased to amaze me, even with all the lack of sleep and roller coaster of emotions these past few days have been. Last night we celebrated Matthew's 27th birthday with margarita's for Mom & Matthew and a smaller version for me. That's also when we let Brighton try out his new sling. Hopefully a new mode of transportation during the day so I can move around the house with some more freedom. He actually seemed to like it and it was super comfortable for me, so we'll see how it works these next few weeks as I get off the couch and up more often. Mom will be here a few more days, then it's just me and Brighton starting on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about the change and how a new routine will develop in the coming weeks for Brighton & I. Matthew starts back at World Harvest on Monday, so I would love your prayers next week as I'm "on my own" for the first time during the day!


Brighton's favorite way to sleep...on his side next to his daddy or me :0)

Picture Baby vs. Real Baby

The "picture baby" always looks so sweet and angelic and perfect...the "real baby" never gets his picture taken. The crying, pooping, cranky baby :0) These are the most recent shots of our little boy looking, well, pretty perfect. And in so many ways he is, but in so many other ways he's a real human baby that interacts with life in many different ways. He coos and gurgles and makes us smile, and he cries and kicks and poops all over the changing table making us sigh in frustration at times. As we move into day 5 after a night of no more than 1 hour stretches of sleep, we wonder how we're going to make it through weeks of this. We know we will as countless parents have done before us, but we just have to wonder what that will look like as we already feel pooped and that's WITH my mom here taking two night shifts herself :0)

Christ be our Sustainer as you always are. Father us children during this time of learning to father & mother our own little boy.

Brighton coos in agreement as he sleeps here next to me on the couch :0) He's so beautiful, I wish you could all see him and cuddle him in person. It would warm your heart. Even if he does think day is night and night is day for now...we'll come out of this time different people, better people and with a beautiful son to love and raise in our weakness.

Brighton means "the one who is loved". I'm so thankful it's not just Matthew and I who have to live up to that promise, but that Christ loves and cherishes this little boy more than we'll ever be able to ourselves or even understand ourselves. We catch a tiny glimpse of what that's like when we look at him and feel our hearts swelling up so much love that we think they'll burst. I guess that's what Christ feels for us all the time...even in our weakness, our patheticness, our ugliness. Today I am more thankful for this gospel because of this state I'm in than I was six days ago when life was "easier". Thats a gift in disguise I believe :0)

He's here!

Our little boy arrived 7 days early, last night at 5:45pm. I'd been in active labor since Saturday night, so it was a long go, but we survived and now have a handsome little man to love on. Matthew Brighton Smith. He's a chunky 8lbs 3oz and is 20 1/2 inches long. He is absolutely beautiful. Perfect skin, perfect round little face, cute little cleft chin, beautiful black hair, chubby cheeks. Oh man, we'll definately have to get more pictures soon but wanted to at least get a few for you all to see his beautiful face, so check them out on the famdamily site. We can't believe how much we love this little guy already. I can barely pull him away from Matthew to feed him :0) He wants to cuddle him, love on him, and just look at him all day long. We're both hooked on our little Brighton. More to come on the "birth story" later, when I'm feeling a little more rested. My mom & Matthew were troopers and such amazing supports for me during a difficult labor. Mom is here now helping us out and totally pampering me. I think she's hooked on little Brighton too.

Thank you all for your love and support during this time!

So this is probably it...

...the next post you get from us could be that our boy has arrived! As most of you know, the past few days have been pretty rough with frequent back pain, contractions, pressure down low, etc. Last night we went out to North Third to celebrate Matthew's 27th bday with a bunch of friends. I noticed then that I was leaking some fluid, which continued into the night. Then...this may be too much info if you're a man or queasy in general...my bloody show started in the middle of the night and has continue throughout the morning. I just spoke to my midwife and she said that most likely labor is approaching and just take it easy today as tonight will probably be the night. YIKES! I didn't think I'd have this much warning time to putter around and try and maintain some sense of composure! I took advantage of the morning and cleaned up the house until it got unbearably hot (yes, it's not even 10 AM yet!?). They're saying on the news it's going to be a scorcher this weekend. Hip-hip-hurray. We've got the ac units on though and will hopefully be able to find something distracting to do throughout the day that's not too far from home or the birth center. Matthew's at our good friends, the Beatty's, right now helping them move furniture. I'm ready for him to come home and get me out of the house for awhile :0) We'll keep everyone posted when anything happens, so make sure to check in again tomorrow. And keep us in your prayers these next 24 hours!!

our own T-Rex

Random shot Matthew took of me resting my Nalgene on my belly while reading in bed one night. Funny thing is that Brighton was moving around, making the bottle jiggle and water do that "Jurassic Park" thing...we've got our own little T-Rex on his way!

Last night was pretty intense and I finally thought this was it. I'd had back lower back pain that creaped to the front of my belly in the middle of the night accompanied with Braxton-Hicks, but last night was the most painful I'd experienced yet. I was up til 3am trying to move around and make them go away, but they wouldn't subside. I figured if this was "IT", then I needed to get some sleep and when they got worse, I'd wake up. Like my midwife said, no one can actually sleep through labor :0) So I forced myself to get back in bed and go to sleep. It took awhile, but next thing I knew it was morning...and no more contractions! Odd how that happens in these last few weeks. I was just glad I didn't wake up Matthew from his much needed ZZZ's or freak out and call the midwife.

Since I was still pretty crampy this morning, I decided to stay home from work and take it easy. Rest up after a night of early laboring and hopefully make a birthday cake for Matthew....just in CASE we don't make it to next week when he turns 27 on August 19th :0)

Any day now...

We just got back from our 38 week appointment with our midwife. She said he should be arriving any day now. His head is extremely low for a first-time mom and I've already effaced 80%. So who knows when we'll get this show on the road. We'll be sure to let everyone know via the blog, so keep checking back. Here's the latest shots of the Mount of Brighton. Check out the crazy one of the famdamily site...whadda belly! We're hoping to get one right before we head to the birth center as his "last few hours inside", but we'll see if I'm feeling up to it. Ha!

Watch out, she's got a knife AND she's hormonal!

Just a silly pic our friend, Coury, took. So it looks like we survived the week of our midwife being gone. She returns tomorrow evening. Let's hope Brighton doesn't get any smart ideas about escaping in the next 24 hours :0)

Here's one that shows off the ever expanding belly quite well since that's all you guys want on my blog these days :0) I guess everyone wants to get that last peak at the Belly Boy before he emerges and leaves me without a melon for a tummy anymore. He must be about 15lbs now...ha, ha...or at least it FEELS that way!

what a GIFT!

(This is also posted on our famdamily site...to appease Matthew...ha, ha ;0) Our friends, the Deebs, just gave us the greatest baby gift ever last night...a new huge a/c unit for our den! As I've written about a few times on here, Matthew and I have been living in our bedroom every day after work - the one place we have an a/c unit - as temperatures have soared here in Philly lately. Puttering around a upper 80's house quickly drains you of all energy, so we come home, make dinner, eat in our room and chill out there the rest of the night. The Deebs figured that'd be no way to live with a new baby here in a few weeks, so they decided to buy us an a/c unit so we could enjoy the rest of our house during these next few months in cool comfort! We were so blown away by their generosity and thoughtfulness to come up with such a perfect gift! God truly has provided us with an amazing community of friends here in Philly. We enjoyed one of our first dinners actually at our dining room table with them last night. Also"Coury Deeb", an amazing photographer, took over 100 pictures of Matthew and I to document this "pregnancy time", which we'll be sure to post once we sort through them. Besides the typical "smiling at the camera shots", he wanted to take ones of us doing every day things, like cooking a meal, eating dinner, reading Harry Potter, working on our Macs...they're a lot of fun! He's also going to take some of us with Brighton once he's born, which we're still holding strong thankfully...our midwife returns this Saturday. More news on that front later. This week I'm training a new gal at work and have had busy evenings, so I haven't been the greatest about returning emails and posting, but once things slow down I'll be in touch more often. Take care all!