Home Alone

Well, Mom left yesterday and I spent my first full day home alone with little B. Unfortunately, he could pick up on my edginess about beginning this "mom thing" on my own and sadness about my own mom leaving, so he was an absolute pill for the first time. I'd never heard him scream this hard or for no appartent reason at all. Unlike his last 7 days with us, he refused to go to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, but also refused to be put down. So I rocked him, talked to him, cried with him and wondered how I was going to ever get used to being a mom and taking care of this helpless little babe. The crying carried on into the night as he sleep for one hour at a time, making Matthew wander the halls with him, attempt to rock with him, and sooth him in whatever way he could think of. At one point I think we were both looking at each other wondering "What have we gotten ourselves into?!" But we always wake up and look at our little boy with awe and delight and wonder how he can be so precious and yet so annoying at times. I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" during our summer beach vacation in June. I think I'm going to re-read it as she's one of the more candid mom's I've ever heard talk about the joys and stresses of becoming a mom and sorting through the host of conflicting emotions. I'd highly recommend it to any of you fellow first time mommas :0)

So we're alive although insanely sleep deprived. And learning in a new way what it means to walk through the fire and trust we won't be burned (although I sometimes think I can smell the burning flesh) and to pass through the waters and trust they will not overcome us (even though I feel I'm gurgling on water and about to sink). Isaiah 43 has taken on a whole new meaning as we cling to promises that don't seem very real and trust in the Perfect Father when we feel like sucky parents ourselves. Please continue to pray for us as we walk through this rocky first few weeks/months.

More pictures are coming when we get a chance to upload them to our computer. He's so stinkin' cute, it's probably hard to ever picture him being a pill...ha, ha ;0)