2 years

Today we celebrate our 2 year anniversary. How do those celebrations change after having a baby? Well last year we planned a trip to New York City. Stayed in an awesome apartment in the upper westside. Walked all day visiting museums, Chinatown, Central Park, hip restaurants. Just two pairs of legs and one backpack between us. We'd roll out of bed and be out the door 15 minutes later. No planning, no restraints, no "what ifs". And now? The LAST thing we want to do is use the tiny ounces of brain-power we have left to fight traffic into the city, research a fun restaurant, or deal with the hoards of people. You might think this is lame, like I would have pre-Brighton, and swore up and down I would NOT settle for such changes to my lifestyle/plans. But like any season you end up finding yourself in, you realize your expectations have to be adjusted and your priorities change regardless of whether you wanted them to or not. You have become a different person.

I am not the person I thought I would be when I imagined having a baby, becoming a mom. I guess I didn't realize how much I'd fall in love with a person I'd never met before or hadn't "chosen". How much I'd be willing to sacrifice. I remember telling Matthew the day before we found out I was pregnant, last December 13th 2004, what a pathetic mom I'd be at this point in my life. I didn't want to give up my lifestyle, our freedom as a couple, my time to serve a nonresponsive, crying baby. And I really believed that. When we found out I was pregnant, everyone kept saying you'd be amazed at how quickly you'd fall in love with your child. I didn't believe it. But was proved wrong those first few weeks after Brighton arrived. My midwife calls it baby infatuation. It's like falling in love. You just can't get enough of their smell, gazing at all their tiny little body parts, cuddling them. You could just sit their for hours doing this. I know, it was weird for me to find myself doing that when I felt so unprepared and undesirious to become a mom. Now I can't even remember what it felt like to think that.

But I digress, back to these season/lifestyle changes...I often find myself hyper-critical of other people's lives. I look at the season they're in and think "Woah, I will NEVER do that". Whether it was being single and observing married couples, being married and observing parents, being a parent and observing parents with toddlers. I think it's a self-righteous thing mixed with this idealized view we have of life for ourselves...and how we seem to forsee how we will live life without flaws. And that hypothetical-life I forsee myself living is perfect & untainted by this fallen world and my own brokeness. Then when you actually FIND yourself in that season, the part of living in a fallen world, becomes glaringly obvious and my hypothetical perfected map of life is quickly torn apart. Then I look back at those same people I was critizing and want to kiss their feet and honor them for the sacrifices they've made in their lives, the challenges they've worked through, the example they now are to me. Those are the times I'm really disgusted by the darkness and judgemental slant of my heart. Thankfully I'm not left there in my digust, but am reminded that this Savior, Jesus, is in the process of sanctifying that very heart.

So here we are, about the celebrate our 2 year anniversary in a very "new-mommy, new-daddy" way. Head to our favorite local pub, McNalley's, and then come home and crash...just be ALONE together for a few hours. No longer do I deem sitting around the house doing nothing together as lame, those moments are now priceless for Matthew and I. Worth more than a dozen romantic restaurants and blocks of unexplored NYC streets. Yes, this is a new and very different season for us, but this is raw, unromanticised, rich life at it's best. Without the frills, but with deeper, fuller meaning. We have a precious son, a life to share in raising with Christ. He comes with a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of change to Matthew and I's life...but with a great reward. Being able to observe Christ shaping and using this little soul for his kingdom. That is worth far more than a few exciting dates or moments alone with Matthew. Those times will come again, and even though they'll be more sporadic and less predictable, this is living the kingdom life. Laying down our plans for a much greater Plan, crafted by the Lover of our Souls. We get to experience being in love as husband & wife in a new, fresh way that involves more sacrifce than we ever imagined. With that sacrifice, another layer of ourselves is torn away and we get to know and be known in a way we haven't yet experienced these past 2 years.

Although I crave predictability in my life and comfort and MY plan to succeed, my heart really does want to be captivated by something more. Something wild, unknown and far greater than my own measley expectations. That will ALWAYS involve dying. ALWAYS involve pain in some sense. Yikes. Why did I believe for so many years that being a Christian meant the opposite and God being good meant my life went according to my plans? I'm thankful He's much more wild, much more passionate, much more risky that I ever thought. And that He's willing to throw us into seasons we're not fully prepared for to remind us just how much we need His guidance and His love more than anything else we've foiled ourselves into believing offers safety & life.

I love you Matthew and am thrilled to be on this adventure into parenthood, marriage, life with you and Christ. Happy Two Year Anniversary.

Love,
Your fellow "trench-mate"

Sickies

I am home today from work taking care of my two men. Thankfully, I haven't come down with this sickness circulating. Our babysitter called us sick on Tuesday, so Matthew's been taking care of B this week. Now HE came down with it as well and is currently in bed sleeping. The mother must go on, so pleae keep praying for protection & health for myself! And to stay up on my workload which is only mounting having recently been on vacation....at the office and here at home. I'm off to take cranky, bundled-up B on a jog.

2006

Above is little B during nap time. Matthew & I joked about posting a New Year's Resolution list that had the lowest possible resolution, so if anything even somewhat better than that occured, we'd be happy. But then our sarcasim, which we're trying to work on, would only be aggrevated. We thought about resolutions such as "We will make sure Brighton sleeps for at least 1 hour per night", "We will drink at least one cup of coffee every morning", "We will make sure we shower at least once a week", "We will make sure to check our email at least once a week". Ah yes, those are resolutions we can cope with I think :0) No offense if you did make a resolution list on your blog. We of lame-o discipline habits though...we just can't fool ourselves.

Well, here are the long overdue Cali pics to wrap up our trip. After hanging out with our friends, the O'Donnells, we headed down south to enjoy a week with my mom's side of the family. Then we travelled back up the longer, but INCREDIBLY beautiful Coast Hwy 1, to Santa Cruz to fly home at the end of the month. Enjoy the pics.

The Whole Hall/Mull Clan...with a thank you sign for the folks who let us stay in their AMAZING home (complete with a huge outdoor hot tub, which we appropriately soaked in on our Cali Christmas Morn)
The great-grandparents with their little g.g.son (my mom's parents)
The boys - cousin Luke, brother John, & cousin Michael
The Christmas Elf

The fam overlooking the massive waves at Skooner's Cove
Risky buisness...Em got blasted by a wave out here!
Watching the waves break over the jetty
Hello, From Morro Bay!
Yes, we are in SUNNY California! The sistas...
...and their shoes
Little B high atop Coast Hwy 1
...and his cute dad

As for the latest on the messed up blog (no pattern, funky header), instead of fixing it, Matthew is spending many long grueling hours creating a new website for me. This one will turn into an archive page, so I'll be sure to let all know when that takes place. It's gonna be hip.

Other news on the horizon, Brighton's baptism is coming up on the 15th. A joint effort by our pastor at Liberti (another website Matthew designed) and my own dad. We're partying at our place before the service, 8:30 am to be exact, so if you're in the area, feel free to stop by. Yesterday Matthew and I celebrate our whopping big 2 year anniversary over a steaming hot home cooked meal (now THAT'S a miracle with the schedule we've been maintaining lately!) and the festivities will continue on this Saturday when we drop B off at a sitter for 4 hours!! Yes, we're ecstatic. We'll probably come home and sleep...ha, ha ;0) We would covet your continued prayers for sleep as B has begun feeling the pains of teething and has been more and more restless at night and cranky during the day. These are the paths of parenting :0)

Hope the New Year has started off well for you all!

Home Again, Home Again

We've returned to the East Coast, but have yet to return to the time zone here. I'm still wide awake in the evenings and horribly dragging in the mornings, but hopefully it won't last for long. Brighton is totally wacked out from all the changes in the past two weeks. He's been crankier that usual and frustratingly stubborn to fall asleep. But thankfully I am working from home today and Monday, so I can at least be around him instead of adding to his confusion with me gone all day.

We've got a slew of fun pictures to upload from our Cali trip, but I think I'll do a few at a time since we're also in the middle of unpacking, taking down Christmas decorations and trying to wade through loads of laundry to do. I'll start with the beginning of our trip and add posts after with more pictures after that.

Matthew is also in the process of redesigning my blog to add to his portfolio of web design that he's gotten into. Fun! I'm willing to be a guinea pig for those kinds of things! It should be up and running in a little bit. If you REALLY like it, you can hire him to do one for you...ha, ha ;0)

Packing the day before...sleepyhead B

Downtown Santa Cruz with our boyz

Daddy Devon enjoying life

Goofing off at the cliffs of New BRIGHTON Beach!

Having fun in the FREEZING Pacific waves

Brighton enjoying his "salt lick", as Devon called it

Scaling the cliffs as the tide came in

Our dear Cali friends

Saying goodbye to their new found buddy

We miss you guys already!

Los Osos

Merry Christmas Eve all. We finally got internet access again, probably one of the last times before we return to the East Coast. We'll have to wait until then to fix my blog as well. It looks as if the picture and patterns have been messed with on our server, so we'll get those up and running next week. The Mull/Hall family has reunited and has found possibly every taco shack this side of the country in the past few days. We now have an expansive knowledge of all the different ways to serve up a fish taco. Yum.

It's been beautiful, wonderfully un-Philly weather out here. Yesterday we all sat out in the grass soaking up the warm rays. We hiked along the coast and saw the sea lions surfing the huge waves. Supposedly the biggest they've had in years from some unusual storms off the coast. We also decided to buy a "christmas tree" yesterday since we couldn't do Christmas without one. But since we're staying in someone elses home, we opted for a Christmas "shrubbery" instead :0) Hey, white lights can make any thing festive.

B has been pretty rocked by all this change and has resorted to waking up every hour or so and being WIDE awake at that. Something he's never done before. So instead of eating and crashing, he's eating and talking to us until we get up with him. Four nights of that are starting to wear on us. Last night my sweet parents took turns with him and gave Matthew and I the best Christmas present ever.... 5 1/2 hours of sleep. Wow. I haven't slept that long in 5 months! If you think about it, please pray for us that B settles down and doesn't keep this up the rest of our time here. Or we'll be shot and he'll be a mess when we come home.

We have so many amazing pictures to share, but no internet access for Matthew's computer, so we'll have to share them when we return. Here in Los Osos, we feel as if we're in Hawaii each morning as the sun burns the fog off the lush green mountains. We're staying in an amazing home that overlooks the bay and the surrounding mountians. It really is breathtaking. So Matthew has been storing up the memories on his camera for you all to see.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve and day!

5am Cali time

Well Brighton is trying his hardest to adjust to this 3 hour time change and he's been a trooper. We've been keeping him up 3 hours more than usual...6pm CA time, 9pm PA time. But he's still ready to romp at 3:30am...this morning he pushed that to 5am. Maybe he'll get the hang of it before we drag him back home in a little over a week...poor guy.

There are so many stories and funny moments to share already, but I doubt B wil stay entertained here on the floor next to me for long. Just a quick recap, we had a wonderful time at the office holiday party. Not only was the food and wine amazing, but everyone made us feel so welcomed, even with our tiny babe. They even THANKED us for making the effort to come out and join them?! What a great group. Last week flew by and suddenly it was Friday night and our bags still weren't packed, the dishes were piled high in a sink that wouldn't drain, there was no gas in the car, and no food to pack for the plane. So Matthew used our other borrowed car and head out to the seedy gas station with a container to get a gallon or two of gas for the Subaru so we wouldn't be stranded the morning we arrived. Then went and got us dinner and groceries at 8pm, while I fought to get B to sleep. Then he scooped out the bleach/Drano-filled kitchen sink so the water wouldn't be standing there for two weeks, while I tried to quietly wash all the dishes in the bathtub, trying not to wake B. Then we were up at 3:45am ready to head out the door for our flight. Our "chauffeaur", Geoff, rising just as early to get us to the airport ON HIS BIRTHDAY! Thanks Geoff...and Maria, for letting us steal him so early :0)

B did an AMAZING job on the plane. Never really fussed at all. Just played, fell asleep, ate and did the whole routine over again. Considering the fact that we were held up on the second plane for over and hour before it took off and then it was almost a 4 hour flight, that really is amazing. We'll post some pictures of the adventure when we get the camera out. We made a make-shift mobile for him on the plane using my belt draped between the seats and some of his toys.

Now we're here staying in the attached apartment of our friend's home. We already feel ourselves relaxing and enjoying being away from "life" for awhile. We've seen the stormy Pacific ocean, smelled the fragrant eucalyptus trees and eaten some incredible mexican food. Ah California, now I know why my mom gets teary-eyed every time she talks about her home state :0) I think we're going to enjoy this Christmas on the west coast thing. I will try to get some pictures up before we leave, but it's been nice to be away from computers and email and all those pulls.

Hope you all are enjoying your Christmas season. We already miss our Philly friends and wish we were there celebrating with you guys! We'll be headed home ready to celebrate New Year's Day with some soccer at Allen's Lane though :0) Below are some of the older pictures I kept promising...

Our cheapskate home decorations, nothing says "Christmas" like a brown paper bag :0)

WeeB suited up for Xmas tree shopping...

The beautiful spread for baby Clara's baptism celebration...

Baby Clara and her loving mama...

The hustle and bustle of getting out the door on time. And the adorable big brothers, Manny (getting layered up by Maria's dad in the background), and Benicio...

Schwanky Affair...

Tonight is B's first formal dining experience. We're all three off to our annual office holiday part-eh at the Barclay Prime, another amazing Steven Starr restaurant. He's the chic restaurant owner of 9 hip places around Philadelphia. Last year we frequented Tangerine, I guess that was with B too, but he was barely the size of a jelly bean at that point. We were going to skip the event due to lack of babysitters available late into Monday evening, but the guys at work convinved me to come and bring along the little weeB, as Matthew has so fondly started calling him. So it should be a fun night. As one friend said, "Martini in one hand, baby in the other".

And the countdown has begun for our adventure west. Only 5 more days until we head out to beautiful, sunny 60 degree CA!! We cannot WAIT to see Allison & Devon and explore their coastal villa of Santa Cruz. Matthew is pumped about squeezing into his wee little wet suit and hitting the waves with Devon. I'm pumped for the babysitter lined up and our wild night out we're all four planning :0) And then heading down to Los Osos for some time with the West Coast relatives. Now if we could only be assured of surviving the two 3+hr. flights and one layover with Brighton. This is truly when I wish they invented baby sleeping pills...ha, ha.

Of all stages, I think this one is the best for travel though. B has been laughing and smiling and melting his parent's hearts these past few days. As annoying as the whole sleep thing has been, he's probably the most chilled out babe I've met. Life just doesn't seem to phase him. He's content just to hang out in anyone's arms for a good stretch and just soak in the sites around him. He hates to be changed, but that's about the only time I've heard him really cry. Guess every baby has their issues and their perks. But the sleeping IS getting better. Last night he slept for a 6 hour stretch and then I HAD to wake him him because of these annoying rock-solid boulders growing on my chest just wouldn't take it any more. Thank you Jesus for sleep! And for this precious boy we keep falling more and more in love with.

I promise pictures are coming soon. The camera has been floating around, so I haven't had a chance to download any yet. We've got some great ones of B's godparents, the Beatty's, baptism of their little girl, Clara. And other fun ones of the house, our goofy boy, this crazy couple. I'll try and get them up before we head out this weekend.

Redemption

One of the very few comforts in life to me is that there are silver threads of redemption woven into the "burlap cloths" of living in a fallen world. A friend of ours often says that "God didn't do a half-assed job of cursing the world, it's a shitty place to live". And it's been so for a long, long time. Just read the Old Testament or the New Testament. Brokenness is the backdrop, but redeption weaves it's way throughout the story...in pretty big obvious ways and in lots of small ways that we don't get to read about. Like God probably providing Mary & Joseph with strength to get up once again when baby Jesus would cry during the night those first early months. Or when He'd most likely give them grace to love & serve each other when they really just felt like ripping each others heads off they were so tired and weirded out by all the adjustments of becoming parents.

Matthew and I were able to drop off Brighton at a friend's house this morning (Thank you Hasses!!) and go spend two hours at a coffee shop just talking and hashing out life. We asked for prayers for this time and Christ heard and was right there with us. We were able to really LISTEN to each other and share about what this transition has been like and really repent for how we've failed each other in the midst of it. It was beautifully raw and achingly rich. For the first time in awhile, we really felt alive together...not just surviving. We reminded each other of why we fell in love with one another, what our passions are in life, where we long to go as a couple, and how we just want to be in the lives of more broken people and share this Gentle Healer Christ with them. Through our time we felt honored to be partnering in this life together. We felt humbled by Christ in each other again. Ah, sweet redemption.

We both realized how resistant we are to accept the reality that this life is not perfection. That we will feel betrayed by our circumstances, rejected by our friends, hurt by our spouse. And that is living in a cursed world. But as much as we "head-know" that, we still manage find ourselves face down in the dirt with the rug just pulled out from under us by a variety of stinky circumstances we didn't ask for...and we're yet again, shocked. As our idols - of having an easy life, faithful friends, adoring spouse, choose you're thing - are ripped away we find our tongue searching for the missing tooth and only find a bloody, empty hole. What I tend to do when I find that emptiness is hole up and get pissed. What Christ is teaching me to do instead is not ignore the emptiness and try to put on a happy face, like I grew up thinking (that's being a really GOOD Christian, right?!), but instead take that emptiness and stumble to Him...knowing He's the only one who can fill it. So why do I keep wanting to find that dead tooth and shove it back in??

At our wedding, Matthew and I danced to these words:

A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife
And there is no secret to the source of this much life
When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again
Just a chance to somehow rise above this land

Where the God of second chance
Will pick them up and he'll let them dance
Through a world that is not kind
And all this time, they're sharing with the one
That holds them up when they come undone
Beneath the storm, beneath the sun

Little did we know that the grace that would fall like rain would be showering us daily as we learn, through our failures, to return to each other, repent and find Christ leading our partnership again...not our lame attempts. And little did we know how much marriage, becoming parents, walking through a cursed world together would show us even more vividly how we tend to trudge, but are called to dance through a world that is not kind. I'd say even more explicitly, in a world that reeks of death, a world that groans as in the hellish panges of natural childbirth (Hmm, that comes home more than ever now). Not dance with some sort of chipper Christian facade, but dance because we're on our Daddy's feet, our Truest Lover, and every other lover has broken our heart. We can't hold onto his hands as we dance AND our other lovers/idols of having an easy, perfect life. I'm pretty sure I'll always be trying to cling on to both, but thankfully the Spirit is prying my sticky hands loose from the one and pressing me closer to the Other.

Thankfully He's not just a God of second chance, but a God who runs to scoop up his prodigals over and over and over. O the deep, deep love of Jesus. Vast, UNMEASURED, boundless, free.

Bad Smiths...

I'm sure we would get a rebuking from our support-raising coach who has been harping on us to sleep, sleep, sleep as early as we can in the evening, especially for last night. The last season of 24 was just released Tuesday and we held on to our last Netflix and put it in the mail on Saturday to make sure it arrive just in time for us to get the first disc of the new season. Which arrived as planned on Tuesday afternoon. So last night we sat down to watch one of the four episodes. Ha, RIIIIGHT. When have we ever been able to watch just one episode when the other three are waiting there taunting us. Last fall (when the previous season had come out) we must have watched 12 episodes in a row at one point since we had the 3 disc Netflix deal. We're ridiculous. We have no resolve when it comes to 24. Or maybe I have no resolve and Matthew just goes along with it. Either way, it was dumb move. I wasn't able to fall asleep for almost an hour after I went to bed because my mind and heart was racing. And every time I woke up throughout the night I immediately tried to figure out different things that had happened in that last episode. Ugh. It was like binging on Christmas candy or something. But thankfully B had a GREAT night last night, only waking up twice so I still got some good sleep. And hey, we've gotta have some fun amidst the craziness of this season of life we're in, right?? (Hmm, okay justification-Amy)

more snow, more sleep

Maybe it's the bear in him, but with this snow, B has been in hibernation mode (well, for a baby and for Brighton in particular). He's left his restlessness behind for the time being and sleeping a little more peacefully, giving his mom some much needed ZZZ's herself, at least more than an hour at a time like it had been the past week. I guess we can blaim that bout of restless sleep on the 4 month growth spurt and all the changes he's going through lately. Pushing up on his arms, almost rolling over, standing for longer, being way more vocal, and all out laughing these days when Matthew blows on his neck.
And the 4 inches of new snow was beautiful yesterday morning, even though it wasn't enough to keep me in my pj's working from home, like I'd hoped. But we were able to have our dear friends all over for chili, warm cornbread, and some good wine last evening, making it an almost perfect winter day.

The picture I posted earlier about being Home Alone was more telling than I anticipated. Last night we must have had an unexpected snow storm blow through Philly...or maybe it was expected, I just didn't pay attention to the news. It's that perfect kind of first snow that's not enough to disrupt your life, but enough to cover the grass and coat the trees.

Having been up since 5am this morning, B & I decided to get bundled up and headed down to our neighborhood coffee shop. I stuffed him in his bear bunting and had to keep shoving his little thumbs back in the whole walk, that he always managed to creep out, making him look like some kind of funky lobster/bear boy.

We love this city neighborhood we live in with it's historic twin homes, the growing business community just a few blocks away that just opened a tiny little bookstore, the Wissahickon park that creeps into the streets with its huge ancient tree limbs. But I loved it even more this morning with the fresh layer of snow. I know I'll regret saying that come March when the 20th snow of the year has hit, but the first snow of the season always has this romanticised quality to it.

Being as early as it was, we had the fun of being the first ones out and therefore getting to make the first footprints on the sidewalk. Well, besides the hoards of squirrels who joined us. What are they doing out in snow anyhow? If food wasn't an incentive, I'd be curled up in a warm nest somewhere. But they didn't make much of a dent in the snow, gliding around chasing each other like they had on miniture ice skates or something. One over zealous guy slide right into the bottom of the tree. I wished Brighton had been old enough to enjoy that site with me.

I think he enjoyed his first snow, seeing as he was exhausted and ready for his nap when we headed out, but his eyes stayed wide open the whole walk, staring around at blanketted neighborhood, or maybe it was the noise of my feet crunching along. He's now snoozing in his crib...argh, why can't he do that at 2am? We had a pretty restless night, with his stuffy nose and missing his dad. I know you might think I'm nuts, but I really think he can sense it.

I'm off to make the most of this opportunity and going to go scraped down the car and get ready for church. We're going to attempt the feat of getting our Christmas tree this afternoon before Matthew gets home. Hmm, should of done that BEFORE the snow decided to drench all the trees, but ah well. The drive home with probably shake it free of any extra snow. Hopefully. I had fun getting the rest of house decorated yesterday, for these two short weeks we have left here before heading west. When Matthew returns with the camera, we'll get some pictures of Brighton's first "Christmas home decorations", that he'll only appreciate when he's older going through these pictures. Or maybe he won't. But it was fun for me, none the less.

For those of you willing to own up to the qwerkiness of stereotypical Christianity and who aren't afraid to laugh at it, you'll totally dig this site Lark News. Check it out. No, God won't strike you down for it. He'll probably be laughing along with you. And if you haven't watched the Jesus films I mentioned over there on the right from the Vintage 21 site...get on it!! Number 4 is well worth your time.

Home Alone

Today B & I took Matthew to the train station at 6am and started our three day/two night adventure together. Matthew will be in Charlotte, NC for WHM recruiting at my parent's London EG informational weekend. Along with my best friend/roomate from college :0( Yes, I'm totally bummed I'm not there right now. I feel a strange mix of being sad to say goodbye to Matthew for the next few days and a sense of excitement about conquering the next few days alone. Weird, right!? Guess it's fun to have a challenge every now and then to be independent and do this baby thing alone. No, I'm not crazy, I've just spent the past few days being scared about this weekend, and now I guess I'm on the flip-side.

We were going to get our Christmas tree all together as a family last night, but one thing lead to another and it didn't happen. Matthew did drag up all the decorations from the basement though, so B and I will be able to tackle the house ourselves this weekend. Since we only have two weeks to enjoy any decorations before we head to California, I think B and I are going to go get the tree today as well. Guess I'll have to settle for a 5 or 6 footer so I can get it in the house myself. That'll be an interesting experience. Probably a humorous story as well. For those of my friends who laughed at me as I frantically re-arranged my dorm room/house...you can probably picture it now :0)

Well B just crashed, and since that's my cue to get back to work, I'll have to keep this post short. Thankfully I was able to get a good chunk of work done early this a.m. before we headed to the train station to spare some of my late afternoon hours. Stayed tuned for stories from the 2/3rds of the Smith family this weekend. Pictures will have to wait since Matthew took the camera.

goofing off

Matthew's walking on air he's so excited about being away from Brighton for an hour :0) We're enjoying our time of rest here in C'ville. Here are a few shots of us making the most of our escape from "life" for the time being...

Playing with our boy...

Being silly on one of our walks alone together...


Hanging out at the UVA pool, B's first time! I THINK he likes it, we couldn't quite tell...



And if you haven't gotten enough of little B from the hundreds of pictures I post on here...I uploaded some more under the "Little B" shots page over there on the right. His bluegrass boy photo shoot :0) Tomorrow we head back to Philly and back to life, with Christ leading this motely threesome.

Thanksgiving Festivities

Here are a few shots of the last Thanksgiving in the Hall Holkham Drive household. Mom presented a beautiful meal for us and Dad carved up the tasty turkey. Here are a few pictures of the feast...




Mom & Callie working hard in the kitchen...


Dad with the "Hall-Tongue" carving the turkey...


The hungry men waiting to dine...



B in his new fuzzy outfit from a family friend...




Brighton didn't sleep much last night, hence his dive for the coffee...


Dad working off the holiday calories...

Happy Thanksgiving All!

We're coming to you live from the chaos of the Hall household. Actually I'm sitting here on my little sister's lap :0) We just finished downing our turkey & vino and are now enjoying lounging around together. This afternoon we're off to our annual Thanksgiving movie, this year it's Harry Potter. Mom will play Brighton-sitter for us, woo-hoo! Then this evening we'll head over to our neighbors for dessert, but for now its Happy Nappy Time. Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday together. Here's a shot Matthew's dad took of B in his new wheels.

Freedom!

My new lusted-over Dreamer Design jogging stroller finally arrived yesterday. Sad life for new parents...who now lust over strollers and funky toys that will entertain their kiddo for a few moments of peace. Running was proving to be more of a hassle than a way to unwind, when it meant trying to squeeze it in to Matthew & my already-short-enough-as-it-is time together in the evenings, waiting for him to get home from work to watch B, and making sure B had just been fed so he wouldn't be fussy for M. Now B and I are free to explore the trails of the Wissahickon near our house and all the beautiful old homes of Mt. Airy together in the afternoons after I've finished my "working-from-home" tasks left for the day after heading out of the office. Now that my computer is up and running again, connecting to our server with no kinks, working from home isn't as stressful as it was there in the beginning. B usually chills out under his ridiculous crib mobile(check it out!) and I can wrap up all the tasks I have left to complete. And now we can head out and enjoy the great outdoors, Baby Bjorn free! I'll try to snap some pics of B in his new wheels ;0)

We'd had a fun time visiting with Matthew's parents over these past few days and being treated to some amazing meals around Chestnut Hill. Tomorrow we'll wake up bright and early, at B's 5am rising, and pile in the car to head down to C'ville for Thanksgiving with my family. I am more than thrilled to have 5 days to SLEEP with lots of arms to take care of B for me. And Matthew and I are pumped to get out for a few date nights & date mornings & date afternoons together :0) Especially for Harry Potter. Seeing as this 4th book was my favorite. And the Johnny Cash movie, which looks pretty amazing as well. Ahhh, movie theater...it's been too long!

Plenty of pictures are waiting to be posted. From this weekend with the GranSmiths and of our Thanksgiving weekend ahead. So stay tuned. Most of them will go in the "Lil B" photo spot over there on the right, for those of you who don't like to wait for all the pictures to load when you just want to read.

Wish us luck on our 2nd road trip with the little squirt. Hopefully we'll make it to Viriginia BY Thanksgiving. Ha, ha.

life..

...sometimes ya just gotta hide from it all...

We've now almost made it through week 2 of my return to work. And even though it's been a roller coaster of emotions, God has scoop all three of us into his arms and carried us through the transition. Though it's still going to take some time, we all seem to feel like we're settling in to this change. Brighton has done great at his sitters and during his days with Matthew. I'm actually enjoying my time at work and not biting nails to get home. Who knows what changes are around the corner come January, but we're thankful to be getting a little more comfortable with these current ones.

Matthew just heaading out for a hunting trip with his guys, so B and I are gearing up for our first night alone together. To start, we're going to head out for a walk in this chilly weather. We got a kick out of this outfit...that's still a bit too big...but pretty dang funny.We're looking forward to a visit from the Colorado Grans, Matthew's folks, this coming weekend. They'll get to meet their little grandson and see our Philly home for the first time! Then we're off to C'ville again to spend Thanksgiving with the VA Grans. I'll be spending the whole time sleeping with all the free child care...ha, ha :0)

my husband, the sitting duck target

Below is an email I sent to a group of my friends, in response to one I sent them earlier this week about praying for me and how pissed I was at God/life/circumstances. It's pretty self-explantory. All I can say this morning is that I'm immensely thankful to have a God who loves to rescue me and who constantly is pouring his ocean of love over me...despite me believing that or not at the moment.

It makes me think of how I rush to pick up Brighton off the doctor's table after getting his vaccination shots and long to smother him in kisses. I hate for him that he lives in this sick world where he needs to get immunizations and he doesn't understand why. That I have to let him get stuck with needles and go through that pain while he looks at me frantic as if to say "Why are you letting them do this to me?!" How I ache to snatch him away from the doctor, but have to let him do his thing for Brighton's well-being in the long run. How I spend the whole rest of the day just holding him and loving on him as he cries and deals with the sick feeling of having immunizations running rampant through his little body. How I wish he knew how madly in love with him I was and that I'm not just his farm to get food & comfort from. And I'm just a limited human with one smidgen of love to offer compared to the ocean Christ has for us. How much more is his love for us his children?? How much more does his heart break for us that we live in this fallen state??

If you care to read on, here's the story and thoughts I shared with my friends this morning...

" 'With my sin here before me, how can this be, You say I am lovely? Even in my weakness, You love me. Even in my weakness, you say I am lovely. What is this Love, that washes me, taking away my shame...'

Above are lines from a song I listened to on the way to work this morning, that always send chills down my spine or tears to my eyes. I think I reached an all time low this morning, but thankfully, Christ never fails to scoop me up in those moments.

After a long hard night with Brighton, Matthew tried to be tender and sweet towards me this morning. Being the wonderful wife I am, what did I do? I pushed him...or rather beat him...away with my anger.

Rule #1: when your husband moves towards you in love ESPECIALLY when you're going through hell together, don't stab him in the back...or much less the heart...with words of hatred.

Hmmm, sometimes I feel like the stereotypical male in our marriage, more than the tender wife :0)

Anyhow, that instance was yet another wakeup call to me that I'm pretty burnt out and have GOT to be totally dependant on Christ. In the sense that I cannot be waiting for circumstances to improve - more sleep, less work, more time with Matthew. I have GOT to be soaking in Christ's love as much as feasibly possible right now. I don't have the luxury of being sane, therefore I need the truth of Christ's beauty and astonishing love to seep into me. I feel like a dried up tea bag that needs the boiling water of Christ. For me, that happens through music.

So on the way to work, I turned on these songs that are TRUTH and just let myself soak. Your prayers are being answered. Christ is giving me moments of hope and sanity. I know those moments won't stick around forever, but this morning, it all makes sense.

Life is hard, that will never change. My marriage will go through valleys as well as mountaintop peaks. I will never be the Holy Spirit for Brighton and be able to save him from hard things in life. I will feel cruddy and have miserable days or weeks or years emotionally and/or physically. BUT I am not currently Home(heaven)...I'm heading there. Therefore this isn't where I get to curl up on the couch and hunker down for a life of rest and relaxation. While there will be moments of rest, most of this life will be hunkering down in a trench and dodging grendades or being hit with shrapnel every now and then. BUT that's not the whole story either. While living in this fallen world does mean being at war in one sense until we get to go Home, we get the greatest gift of all in the midst of this chaos. Christ. Who we already know, and can be assured of, that He won this war. And He's so wildly in love with me, even when I'm bloody and wimpering and fuming with anger in a dirty trench, that He fights this war FOR me. I just have to let myself be scooped up and hidden in His arms as we head into the battle of life together.

Why does that make so much sense some days and other days I feel totally alone and abandoned? Why do I constantly relate my "cursed-earth"ly circumstances and blaim God for not taking care of me?

Because I forget the Truth more often than I'd like to admit. That I live in a fallen world, in a fallen body and I will ALWAYS feel the effects of that...even when circumstances are better. But my ONLY TRUE REST will ever be found in remembering I am wildly, passionately loved and pursue by this God who is ALWAYS worthy of my praise. His worthiness has absolutely NOTHING to do with the effects of the fall on my life. I wish I got that all the time, but I'll take "getting it" this morning and ask for prayers when I forget it again :0)

Thank you Christ for pursuing us daughters like the "Hound of Heaven". Thank you for holding us tightly and kissing our tangled hair in the midst of our tantrums. Thank you for offering us partnership and friendship with each other so we can ralley around each other in prayers & support when we forget the TRUTH of the Story.

And thank you ladies, for your partnership in prayer and for all your encouraging emails and phone calls. I am so honored to have such tender, yet powerful women in my life who can both love me and challenge me.

In His ocean of love,
Amy"

Oh Moooom!...

...can you please refrain from slobbering on me every time you come home from work?!
Guess I like to smother Brighton with kisses more than he likes to accept them these days. Today is my first day working from home...and what a disaster. We've been trying all morning to get my computer to connect to the server at work to no avail. We're stumped. And all it takes these days is a little grain of sand in my shoe to send me over the edge. Matthew just bundled up Brighton and himself to brave the cold and take a long walk to our friend's house so I could try to get something done. So I decided to blog...ha, ha :0) Just briefly, mind you, before I try to tackle this computer issue again. I needed a break. After almost completing my first week of work with a new baby, I'm pooped. Working all day in the office, then coming home to a dirty house and baby duty is wearing me out. I went to bed at 6:30, yes 6:30PM, last night. And I'm still exhausted this morning. We need a whole lot of Jesus this morning...and a whole lot of coffee :0) I'm on cup #3 of the day...black, that is, b/c we're out of milk.

Speaking of coffee...here's a cool shot at the new coffee house in Chestnut Hill. We're always pumped to find a new, cool hangout.

So our boy is keeping us smiling despite these rough moments. Funny how kids can bring you back to sanity real fast. I'll be totally overwhelmed with life and go to pick up Brighton, who may be dying with laughter over how funny the ceiling squares are (yes, he'll lay in his crib staring at the ceiling slates & chuckling to himself...who knows why, he's a strange bird like his parents) and I can't help but break out in a smile. Guess kids can also drive you to insanity at the same time though. Kind of like being married :0) Sorry this picture is so dark, we're still learning our camera. Enjoy the weekend all!

sleep!

I know I posted two new blogs yesterday, so I'm over my quota for the past 24 hours, but I just had to report this morning that I think I got almost a full night of sleep! The reason I "think" this and not know for a fact is that I believe I might have woken up for a few minutes here and there...just out of pure shock that Brighton hadn't woken me up yet...but otherwise, I think he found the goods on his own and ate once or twice (since he sleeps next to me). But I pretty much slept through the night myself. WOAH! First time in months! Although, it would have benefitted me more if I had actually gone to bed at 9pm like I've been doing the past few weeks. Instead, I was bad and stayed up until 11pm learning the beauty of Photoshop and ftp servers and hence redesigning my blog for a new fall-look :0)

Way to go little B! Let's keep this up...or at least give us a night like this here and there!

some more shots from the new camera...

Matthew save his hard earned pennies to buy this incredibly nice camera...yes it has EIGHT megapixels. Crazy, right?!? Here are a few examples, shot from it's LOWEST resolution because we forgot to set it to it's highest res. Pretty stinkin' incredible for being LOW resolution shots! We're loving it already. So much so, Brighton is going to think this 3x5 inch piece of black plastic is his other mom always staring at him with one eye...that often flashes an obnoxious light at him.

On a morning stroll with Daddy...


Posing with my tired Mom after her first day of work...in the outfit her boss gave me...


Crib shots by Daddy...I am a happy little turkey!

first day with dad

Today was Brighton's first full day with his dad. We worked a schedule for B to be with the sitter Monday and Tuesday, with Matthew Wednesday and Thursday, and with me on Friday when I work from home. The amazing answer to pray has been that B has had 3 wonderful days with his new "substitute day moms". He was great for Lynette the past two days, and great for his dad today. The picture above is from their morning walk together.

The other answer to prayer is that God has given me bounds of grace these past three days of returning to work. Yes, there have been tears, but there have also been times of enjoying Him DESPITE earthly circumstances not being what I would have arranged for myself. That is HUGE for my stubborn heart that usually just gets bitter in these situations. Christ has given me fulfilling times at work so it doesn't feel TOTALLY pointless to be spending so much time there and opportunities to be involved in some pretty hefty projects. Not that this at all makes up for being at home with Brighton, but it at least makes this time that we have to be apart a little more manageable for me. We're still praying and hoping that come January, I can head out of the full-time role and move into something more part-time. We'll see what God provides.

So thank you all for your encouraging emails as I headed back to work on Monday and for your prayers. Christ has answered them and has loved on me during these three new & trying days.

back to work

Tomorrow morning, bright and early at 7:30am, I'll kiss my little boy goodbye, head out the door and fight the morning rush hour up to North Wales where I'll start my first day as the new Senior Operations Analyst at First Equity. Woo-hoo. Don't I sound thrilled? Far from it this evening.

I've spent most of the past few hours crying as I rocked B to sleep, crying as I packed up his bags & defrosted my milk for bottles, crying on Matthew's chest about how I'm not going to be able to do this. My close friends are now laughing as they realize this "non-emotional Amy" has now turned into a sap. All it took was a little 8 pound bundle arriving 12 weeks ago today. I know I WILL be able to do this. Brighton will be fine. I'll be fine. Life will go on. But tonight it just feels overwhelming and really really hard. People ask me if I'm not the tiniest bit excited about having a little bit of freedom to type with both hands, drive without constantly looking in the rearview mirror, possibly even run into a coffee shop or the grocery store without having to lug around a baby. And honestly I have to answer, not yet. I'm sure I will be some day. I'm sure I'll be dying for breaks like this. But not yet.

More and more I'm learning that that's okay. Rarely does God bring into my life things I'm ready for. More often than not, He leads me down paths that seem ridiculously impossible if I was trying to manage them with my own strength/emotions/willpower. Still being pretty sleep-deprived, I sure as heck can't do this with my own strength or emotions. Tonight I am more thankful than I can state with words that I have a Father who is carrying me. That I have arms encircling me, a chest to lean my head against, and someone who knows just how hard this is...because he's gone through it before. On a much more intense level. The tearing is eased a little bit knowing I'm not going through it alone. And that this story I'm in, that Brighton's in, is much, much bigger than a rough couple of months being separated. It's about being in relationship with our Father. And this circumstance, as sucky as it is, is taking me deeper into Him. And will take Brighton deeper into Him, even if it is unknowingly on his part. Kicking and screaming, I'm forced to let myself be taken in. And when I'm there, it's funny...I know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else for the time being because this is the only place I can really, deeply rest.

So if you're awake tomorrow morning around that time and feel like lifting up a prayer for me, for Brighton and for this sweet woman, Lynette, who'll be taking care of him, I'd really appreciate it. I'll post how the day went soon.

West-Coast Christmas

We just bought our tickets to head out west for Christmas this year. Not the "Colorado-west", but further. This time we'll be headed to the beautiful coast of California to spend Christmas with my mom's side of the family....for the first time in...well, forever I think? Maybe we spent a Christmas or two with them when we were babies, but none that I remember. We are all so excited! We haven't all been together since the summer of 2001. And my grandparents & uncle & aunt have never met Matthew or little B. And instead of being stuck in the valley, where my grandparents live, we'll actually be staying in the tiny coastal surfing town of Los Osos, where my aunt & uncle live. Yes, we might even have to brave the icy Pacific waters to have a family surfing party again, like we did that last summer. It was hilarious. I wish we could post the video clip on the blog here :0) Nothing like seeing all the Hall's in wet suits...yikes!

One added bonus is that we not only get to hang out with my relatives, but we're also heading out early to stay with our dear friends, the O'Donnells!! They were our closest friends during our time in Colorado and had a little boy just 5 months before us. We never would have guessed we would have had kiddos together! It's been so much fun being moms together and working through this crazy transition together. We cannot WAIT to see them! They live another hip costal town, Santa Cruz, about 2 1/2 hours up Coast Hwy 1 from Los Osos. And Devon is a dedicated morning & night surfer, so he'll most likely be dragging Matthew out into the waves the minute we arrive. What a funky Christmas to look forward to!

Here are some pictures of our last escapade with Devon & Allison in Colorado when we ventured out into the beautiful mountains of North Park. We can't wait to see you guys!!

Is THAT for me?!

When life gets sucky, my first conclusion is that God gyped me. That he was so busy preparing a lushious feast for others, that he frantically had to whip together pot of porridge for me. Nothing tantalizing about it. Just enough nutrients to keep me alive, but no frills or details or raisins included. I think he's giving me just enough so I won't keel over and die, but He sure as heck doesn't want to lavish me with His love or shower me in His goodness.

Yikes, what a dangerous perspective.

I relate the happenings of living in a cursed world to God's love for me? I try to squeeze him into my limited human equation that if x+y=crappy circustances than that's His proof of forgetting about me? I really don't get it. I don't get what it means to be a daughter of a Loving, Gracious Heavenly Father. I don't get the fact that I live in a fallen world where life is not as it was meant to be. That people will fail me, that circumstances will almost crush me, that I'll deeply wound others. But that Christ is redeeming this world, ME, others in the HEAT of the fires of brokeness. That He uses these cursed situations to draw us closer to Him, the only quenching resting place. I'd rather live with the illusion that this IS the only rest I'll get so it better be worthwhile?! What a sad lie I've bought into. If you are one who prays...I would covet your prayers. Below is a letter I sent to group of friends who've committed to praying with and for me during this season in my life:

Dear praying friends,

As I head into my last full week at home, I'm feeling the need to be covered in your prayers again. I started the morning in tears as Matthew and I had a pretty heated discussion about changes that need to happen with Brighton and how we're handling his sleep issues. After coming back together and realizing we're both sapped and running on empty, we both encouraged one another to "recruit the troops" to pray for us as we head into some emotionally tough changes.

Here's the brief synopsis, with more details below, if you care to read on:

Please pray for:

1. Wisdom for Matthew and I, and partnership, as we sort through all the "sleep trainer methods" and figure out something that works for all three of us - Matthew, Brighton and myself.

2. For rest in Christ as my Father AND Brighton's Father as we start our first week- next Monday- being apart for 7 hours a day. For us both to adjust to the transition of being separated.

3. To be able to THANK Christ for these circumstances, which is just what Matthew, Brighton and I need to depend more on Him and less on ourselves and life going how we think it should. As we are being encouraged to believe by more seasoned folks who have gone before us...even if we don't FEEL that way.

4. For my heart to be able to worship Christ and enjoy Him in the MIDST of these circumstances...not when they get better or when I feel better about them.

And for those who have time to read on, here are some of my thoughts on the above prayer needs...

1. It STINKS to be at odds with your hubby and feel like you're on two totally separate pages...especially when it comes to your new kiddo. We need to both step out of the victim role and move into a partnership about this whole sleep thing and how to make changes in what currently is going on. And we need wisdom from the SPIRT...not all the well-meaning friends or piles of books I've breezed through...we need Christ to direct us towards what changes need to be made and when. This is a hard week we're heading up to with me going back to work and I feel like I have NOTHING to give, NO energy to make changes, and am treading on thin emotional ice.

2. Needless to say, I am NOT looking forward to walking out the door at 7:30am next Monday morning. I never thought it would be so hard to say goodbye to another person who is so dependent on you before. It's different than saying goodbye to my family as I headed off to college, or saying goodbye to Matthew before we got married when we would have brief weekend visits here in Philly or in Colorado. It's same in the sense of feeling a tearing that just "doesn't seem right"...but more intense when it's this little person that grew inside you for 10 months and who hasn't been out of your sight for more than 3-4hours for any stretch of his life yet. And more than that, I just love being apart of his daily changes and growth and love being a mom. Going off to a job for a credit card company just feels so...pointless. But as I was praying yesterday morning for Christ to keep showing me my heart and sin that's festering in there, he brought me to a reading by a guy named Taito Kantonen who was discussing Luther's ideas on stewardship and vocation, "While his daily work appears to have nothing to do with God, he (Luther) sees it as a mask disguising God's presence. He recognizes the world with all its activities as God's workshop, not something neutral , secular or profane, to which the church must try to give spiritual content. He learns to avoid a false division between the spiritual and the earthly..." At this time in my life, God has given me this job. And I can resist that and be bitter towards that and argue how wrong it is that I should have to leave Brighton...or I can trust that this is the circumstance he uniquely designed for me, Brighton and Matthew and for the GOOD of our hearts, souls and relationship with Him. I need to REST in my daughtership and trust He knows what's best for all three of us. And trust his Fathering of Brighton and the circumstances He is leading him through now and ALL the circumstances - tough & trying - He'll lead him through in the future.

3. And again, as we're being challenged by other loving, but bold figures in our lives - we need to learn to thank Christ for these circumstances, because they are causing us to be the weak, needy children we're supposed to be and not the together, proud pseudo-christians we try to be. I need a big Savior to rescue me from thinking I know what's best for myself and my loved ones! And He's here, and He offers that freedom, and I need to learn how to THANK HIM for it!

4. And as my mom is always challenging me to do more of in sucky circumstances...worship Christ! I am so hesitant to turn on the ipod and listen to some worship music or read some Valley of Vision because it just feels so pointless. I feel too bogged down in my circumstances and too annoyed at Christ for supposedly slopping porridge on my plate instead of giving me a feast, that I don't even really WANT to worship Him. I'm stuck in that haze of a lie. Even when I'm ALWAYS proved wrong by how He provides and cares for me. It's crazy how when the Spirit forces me to give in and I'm suddenly face to face with a glorious God...how humbling and overpowering it is. My world and focus is suddenly reoriented to the truth. That this life will never measure up. That God is more worthy of ALL my praise and energy and focus than anything else. That in worship is where I'll find really soul-quenching rest...and that's the only place. That seriously is the ONLY place. I get cat-nap type rest when my circumstances are better, when Brighton has allowed me a 3 hour chunk of sleep, when Matthew and I are lovey-dovey, and so on. But that deep, comforting REST I've only ever found in giving up and falling into worship of this crazy, wild, passionate God. I need more of that time, even if it's a 5 minute song. I need serious reorientation....especially as I head into next week.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and being the prayer "arms" that support my weakness. Somedays I'm tired of feeling so much and just want to be free of it all. I long for that perfected self I'll get to be in heaven, that only wants to run around with her Daddy and enjoy being in love with Him completely and purely.

Please let me know how I can love you all through my prayers for you and all that fills your lives during this season. It helps to get my eyes off myself and pulls me back into the kingdom and how God is on the move in OTHERS!

Much love,
Amy

Weekend activity

Just a few weeks shy of being 3 months old, Brighton has now started looking around and pushing himself up while on his tummy. Even though he shakes for a little while like an old man, then puts his face back into the pillow or our chest, whever he happens to be.

He also has discover his tongue, which he makes use of often, looking as if he's trying to eat his own face.

And here are the dreaded "battle wounds" from his run in with the doctor this past Monday for his immunizations. He had a tough couple of days with a fever and just feeling cranky, but seems to have forgotten the whole ordeal...for now at least...until month 4 comes along.

These are a few leftovers from our C'ville week trip. Matthew and I out on our FIRST DATE NIGHT without B!! Mom & Dad took care of the boy and Matthew and I headed to the Downtown outdoor mall of C'ville. Thanks to Matthew's grandparents, who sent us some incredible date money, we were able to enjoy an amazing meal, bottle of wine and lots of uninterrupted conversation.

Weekend pics are up and running...

...check them out on the photo section to the right. Under "Our Little B". They're actually pictures from our whole week in Charlottesville. Enjoy.

2 month check-up

All I have to say is "YUCK!". I am not going to enjoy these "milestone" check-ups anymore after Brighton's first set of vaccinations today. Poor little guy. If I wasn't such a proud person who hates crying in front of people, I know I would have started sobbing as much as he did. He was so good for physical - getting his totally invasive temperature check, bright lights in his eyes, probes stuck in his ears, mouth, and so on. He just cooed and smiled for the doctor. And his reward? Two shots in each thigh. It took forever to calm him down afterwards. It was miserable. But the rest of the time we spent with Dr. Cady was wonderful. He was actually reassuring with where B is at in terms of eating and sleeping. He debunked a lot of "promises" these sleep trainers offer - in teaching babies to scream it out, or trying to train them to sleep this early on. He said at 6 months we can start teaching him to fall asleep on his own & sleep more at night. But for now, we've just got an active little boy who needs lots of food and will keep asking for it every 2 hours or so. That's the kick & kaboodle you get with breastfeeding, he said. That actually takes A LOT of guilt off my shoulders thinking I'm doing something wrong or I need succumb to what others are telling me to do to "fix" Brighton's sleep issue. Last night he actually slept from 10pm-2am...what a beautiful thing for us tired parents :0)

And yesterday, we met the sweet lady who will be watching B those two days when Matthew isn't, when I head back to work in two Mondays from now. She took care of an infant last year for a girl who had a baby as a 19 year old. With two grown teens of her own, whom she homeschools, she knows a heck of a lot more about babies than Matthew or I do! Just meeting her was a reassurance for my aching heart that is dreading saying goodbye to B from that 7 hour stretch. Huge answer to prayer.

Also, I haven't forgotten about the weekend pictures...I just don't have tons of time at the moment to upload them. But hopefully tomorrow or Thursday I will.

A Prayer of Barrenness

...from a book I ran across again this morning that I need to re-read, "Deep Unto Deep". It starts with this prayer, that resonates with my wandering soul these days. I'm realizing more and more how this Christian life just is NOT about getting our act together, our emotions in order, our feelings pumped up. Why do I feel like that's so ingrained into what's being preached by the church? Other Christians? My own heart? When the Gospel preachs that it's about letting Christ lead us into His Arms. Maybe it's because that feels terrifying at times (we don't like to preach about terrifying things :0) when being in His Arms and apart of His Plan doesn't promise "fuzzy, warm feelings" and an easy life. More often than not, it promises circumstances that make us cling to HIm and situations that "feel" uncomfortable, lonely, and puny....but those very situations protecting us from living a strong, easy life forgetting that we even NEED a Savior to rescue us and lead us. If my life was as I wanted it to go - easy, fun, safe - then why would I need a Savior or rescuing? But when life is hard - as it's always been (just read the Psalms!) - I'm forced to realize daily, hourly, just how amazing this Jesus is who didn't leave me in this incredible screwed up, cursed world to fight on my own, but came to save me from it and lead me through it. But the sad truth is that I forget that the minute I've been rescued and find comfort and life in tons of other things - my husband, my new son, my knack at friendships, etc... Gross. But this is living in a cursed world and a fallen body. I think I've spent most of my Christian life thinking I'm supposed to work myself OUT of this cursed body and try to disassociate myself with it. Instead of accepting the paradox, that I'm way more messsed up than I'll ever understand and therefore I'll always struggle in one way or another in this life, but I'm also treasured by my Father because of Christ. That just doesn't fit in my brain very well. But I think I like it more than the failure I feel when I don't measure up, when LIFE doesn't measure up, when my idols don't measure up.

More to come this afternoon or tomorrow on praises of what God has been up to in our lives. We had a GREAT night of sleep last night, thanks to your prayers and His mercy. And also pictures from our awesome weekend at home with my family. So stay tuned...but for now, read on. I hope some of you all can find rest in these words, as I did early this Sunday morning with Brighton snoozing soundly on my chest...

"My heart aches. I love HIm, yes, but faintly.
I desire Him, yes, but weakly.
I want Him, true, but waveringly.
Even the pain that lies within
I recognize to be such faint pain,
A mere discomfort next to the heart-wrenching anguish
That grips true lovers
My knowledge is nothing. My wisdom, infancy.
I see nothing as it truly is.
Eternity what is light. This life of earth what is dark.
Stories remain stories. Not sinking deep within my soul,
And scarring me with Divine inavasion
Your cross is a picture, Your Heaven a fantasy.
Tears are sweet emotions, moved by Your sacrifice.
But not the tears of sharing in Your sufferings.
I say Your name so sweetly but do not know its Face.
All I am is far. So distant, so removed.
But You beckon me come?
Yet, my Lord, I am nothing. I have nothing. I know nothing.
When I thought I had something,
It dissolved before your beauty,
And I was left naked. Possessing nothing,
Poor for words. Empty of all. Needy and alone.
Even so, my Love, call me.
Yes, do not leave me here but beckon me come.
Though I have nothing, though I am only poor,
I cast myself on your unfailing love
Where else would I go?
Whom have I but you?

- D. Candler "Deep Unto Deep"

Being loved...

Brighton has had an overdose of kisses and cuddles and smiling faces to entertain him this past week. It has been such a GIFT for Matthew and I. We were able to go out on our first real date this past Monday evening, (which Matthew is going to post about on the famdamily site when we get back to Philly and can upload some photos), and have been able to just jump in the car and go get coffee or meet my sister for lunch without having to worry about packing enough diapers, or wipes, or clean pacifiers. My parents have taken over "Brighton Duty"...even in the wee hours of the morning. Matthew and I are better parents because of it. It's amazing what a few extra hours of sleep will do. And how terribly we miss our boy when we're separated from him for more than an hour or two. So he's definitely been enjoying his time with his Grans. Pictures will be coming in a few days.

Other than having a great week of rest, we're also being ripped apart by the Spirit and the work He's up to in our lives. As we've begun this process of support-raising for Matthew to do recruiting with WHM and in a few years, hopefully, head overseas to Europe, we've had DOZENS of opportunities to doubt, fear, worry and fall into despair. That on top of me doubting, fearing, worrying about finding child care for Brighton as I head back to work in a couple weeks. We're realizing how puny & faithless we are when our boat gets rocked. We'd rather take the oars and try to fight the ridiculously huge waves on our own, than trust and rest in Christ - that He's the One leading us through all this. We just can't get it through our thick heads that we're his CHILDREN. We keeping thinking we're His co-pilots and that HE needs OUR help to make life "work". As our support coach reminded us yesterday, we are only doubting, fearing and worrying when WE think we know what's best for us or those we love. When we're trusting that ONLY Christ knows what's best and that we're clueless about what we need to "be okay" in this life, then we don't fear or worry. Because we know that He'll give us just the circumstances we need. That STINKS! I want to have an easy life, not circumstances that might make me grow or be stretched or where I'd actually have to depend on someone other than myself?! But what a richer, fuller life that would be than the safe bubble I'd often like to construct for me and my family. I rarely look back on an easy stage in my life and think, "Wow, I learned so much through that. I grew so much and became such a different person because of that." As much as I hate to admit it, it usually through the trying times, the times that feel like I just won't make it, that I look back on and am amazed at who Christ is to have graciously lead me through that and who He is making me because of it. So we've been spending lots of time wrestling with Him in our prayers and being wrapped up in His Arms in the process.

The exciting news is that in spite of my doubting & worrying, He is offering me some grace this afternoon and answering a heavy prayer I've had on my heart. I think He's provided a woman to take care of Brighton for us, just for these next two months that I'm returning to work. She is in a home group with a man Matthew works with at WHM and lives right near his work. So hopefully, if we can find a vehicle to borrow for the next two months as well, Matthew will be able to take Brighton straight to her house and I'll be able to pick him up in the afternoon! She is a mother of two teens, whom she still homeschools, and has nannyed infants before. We'll meet her the Monday we return from Virginia, so keep all four of us in your prayers as we get together that afternoon.

The other exciting news is that my dad & brother survived the triathalon...those nuts. It was a beautiful fall morning at Sherando Lake, but insanely cold to swim 1/2 mile in a mountain lake. I'm amazed they survived that first stretch! Then they had to bike mostly uphill for 19 miles, then run a 5k. Wow. What studs. We'll also post some pictures of that when we get home and get our card reader.

It's been an eventful trip and I could share tons of stories, but I'll leave it there for now. One humorous saga is that the yellow jackets are out of control here in VA this year. They've invaded my parent's basement where we WERE sleeping. Until Matthew got stung in the middle of the night, then I was stung right afterwards. Thankfully Brighton was safe. We're now in my parent's bed :0) Poor things. But man, we are L-O-V-I-N-G the king-size bed after all three sleeping in our tiny full bed. We feel like Brighton is halfway across the room in this huge bed! The downsize, when we return to Philly, won't be very fun :0)

First Big Road Trip

Today we head out on the road for Brighton's first big road trip. We'll pack up our now LOADED car (no more "two duffel bags"...with a baby, we pretty much take the entire house!) and mosey on down Hwy. 15 to Charlottesville, VA. So not only is this his first big trip, it's also his first time in the 'Ville and his first time to my old home. How weird to bring my son into my old bedroom, where I would have never guessed I'd be standing there at 25 years old, holding my baby with my husband. Craziness. Life flies by when you look at it that way. We're a little apprehensive about the 5+hours in the car and how B will handle it...since he's not too fond of his car seat anyhow. But we're more than ready to see my family and just rest for a full week down there.

Saturday, my dad & brother are competing in a triathalon together. Yeh, I don't know why either ;0) My parents and two sisters just returned from a week in London, scoping out the scene with their new team that they'll be heading overseas with in the next year. So I'm not sure how pumped full of energy my dad will be for the triathalon, but I'm proud of him for doing it!!

So keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we pack up and head out around 2pm today. B hasn't been cooperating with my packing schedule this morning. They always seem to know when you NEED to get something done and that's when they (1) stay up most of the night before, like last night (2) refuse to take a nap the next day when you're frantically trying to pack, clean, water plants, and (3) on top of that, refuse to be put down for any stretch of time. So here I am trying to carry B around, pack up all his junk, sterilize pacifiers, cram down some lunch, walk to the co-op for last minute car snacks, pack a cooler of food for us & bottles for B. Why am I blogging then, you ask? Well after that crazy of morning, I FINALLY got the boy to fall asleep on my chest, so I'm taking this breather of a 30 min. stretch to chill, drink some coffee and bid adieu to the blog for awhile. Maybe I can write some in C'ville, but I'm pretty sure I'll be taking advantage of all the eager arms longing to hold Brighton and I'll be catching up on ZZZs any chance I get :0)

I'll be back with pics of our trip in a week or so!

bedhead

Good mornin' sleepyhead. Brighton's hair is a trip to us. It's as thick as it was the day he was born. Maybe he'll loose it all one of these days, like they keep telling us, but for now we're enjoying it and his funky bedhead do's. You might think we spiked his hair in this pic or manipulated it in some way, but we did NOTHING to it...how funny is that?! And way to go Matthew for capturing B's first camera smile. Maybe he thought his hair was funny too.

birth announcement

Well folks, that spider bite just did me in. They had to remove my leg this morning. Oh wait, just kidding...all I needed was some ANTIBIOTICS! Thank goodness Ididn't spend the night in the ER this weekend, when all the doc did this morning was poke it, prescribe some antibiotics and send me on my way in less than 15 minutes. I would have been livid if I'd wait hours for that! So I don't know if I was foolish and just lucked out or not, but I'm thankful for how this all turned out either way.

I've got some hilarious bedhead pics of B to upload later today. But for now, here's our birth announcement we sent out. Unfortunately, we're poor and couldn't afford more than a few for some out-of-town friends and family. For all others, hope you enjoy this one!

Fruitless trip to the ER

Last night I spent three hours in the ER, not a fun alternative to our planned "date night". I had gotten some sort of itchy insect bite a few days ago - mostly likely from a jumping spider I saw & squooshed while folding laundry on the floor - that suddenly turned into a swollen blue sore surrounded by a three inch raised red ring all around it. And man, it ACHED everytime I stood up and blood rushed to it. Weird. So I called the doctor, which of course had just closed a few hours earlier, and was told I should go to the ER in case it was a tick bite or something serious. Well, I never saw a tick or pulled one out of me, so I thought that was highly unlikely. But I heeded her advice and set off in the rain, leaving Matthew at home with a bottle for B. Three hours later, I ditched the packed ER, realizing I probably wouldn't be seen for hours, since most everyone else in there looked a lot worse off that I did and ambulances kept arriving. I figured my leg wouldn't fall off by Monday and Brighton needed to eat. The triag nurse wasn't too pumped about that, but seeing as we had no other option - no extra vehicle for Matthew to bring Brighton to me and no way on earth I'd go get him to keep with me there, she let me go. My doctor called LIVID this morning that I hadn't stayed. When I asked her what she recommended I do with my 7 week old son, she had nothing to say, but instead rattled of a list of potential horrific things that could happen to me - neurological damage, permanent tissue damage, scarring, etc... Umm, okay, let's not panic or anything, doc. Why do doctor's feel like they always need to do that? Why does it feel like they're always just trying to cover their rear and not actually relate to you as a person. Not empathize with me about how difficult a decision this was or help me come up with a solution of how to wait for 5+ hours and be able to feed my infant son? I guess there are some out there that do, I know I've been blessed with great doctors in the past who know and love our family. Maybe that's why it's so hard to suddenly not be known and not really cared about. Just being another number, another problem to solve, another case. She left me with an ominous warning and the grave responsibilty of making my own decision in the matter...thanks. Unless it gets a lot worse today, I'm just going to keep hot-compressing it and taking some ibruprophen. I guess I shouid repent for being so bitter against the whole medical system...argh, it just thoroughly frustrates me. These are the days I wish I lived back in the 1800's with good ol' Doc Jones to ride his horse over to our house and talk to Matthew about the weather and crops and set to fixin' up my leg. Ha! That probably would entail amputating it back then though. But according to my current doctor, that may just be our only solution come Monday...ha, ha ;0)

No more froggy legs...

As of tomorrow, Brighton will be 8 weeks old. Wow. I never thought we'd make it this far those first few rough weeks! Although the sleepless nights haven't improved, we're loving these new days with B. He's changing so much - smiling at us often, cooing and "talking", seemingly taking in more of the world and enjoying being here now instead of freaking out not being in the safe, cozy womb. His body language speaks to that, here in this picture. Instead of his limbs being tightly curled, his legs frogged up to his tummy, he's stretched out like a cat soaking up the rays from a window. True, he just finished eating, so he's drunk on milk, but still...overall he seems to dig his new home these days.

But with the growth and changes, this also means my maternity leave is drawing to a close. As I prepare to head back to work November 7th, my heart is definitely feeling the ache of leaving my new little boy. Hopefully, it will only be for a couple months, until we're able to go on insurance through Matthew's job and until I can find a part-time job where I can work mostly from home or bring Brighton with me. But even a few days feels like torture to me at this point. I know I'll be a sobbing mess that first day back. Please keep all three of us in your thoughts and prayers as that day approaches and as we make other arrangements - interviewing potential child care providers, attempt to find a vehicle to borrow for 6 weeks to ease our transportation dilema, etc... We're meeting with a couple on Monday who goes to the local seminary here in Philly who might be our match for childcare. But as sweet as this gal is, it still feels unbearable to think of handing B over at under 3 months!

Thanks for your encouragement and prayers during this time!

Welcome Candelaria Margot!

HURRAY!! Baby Beatty has arrived! After many prayers, the sweet little Candelaria Margot Beatty has graced the world with her presence. She arrived last night around 11:45pm after a little over 3 hours of active labor. Way to go Maria & Geoff! They were able to have a successful homebirth with the same midwife who delivered our little B...even though she didn't arrive until Maria was almost ready to push! Little Clara was a healthy 8lbs. 6oz. We'll get more details when we're able to visit, but just wanted to rejoice with them and announce our congrats! We're so excited to have our "completed community" now here in Mt. Airy/Germantown. All three babies are here - healthy and ready to be lavished with love by all. Thank you Jesus for these three precious gifts! I'll try to post some pictures of the beautiful (I'm sure!) Beatty girl after we return from our visit this afternoon.

Apple Picking

To carry on the tradition we started last year when we moved out here from Colorado, we headed back up to the Solebury Orchard for fall apple picking this weekend...this time with our SON in tow! Last time we were at the orchard, this summer picking blueberries, he was in my belly. This time he was strapped to Matthew's chest in his Baby Bjorn with his hip sweater & beanie. We headed up early Saturday morning enjoying the sunny, cool weather and beautiful drive through the back country of Montgomery County, PA. We took the tractor ride out to the trees and filled up our basket with some delicious apples then headed back to the barn for some apple cider donuts. It was a wonderful restful weekend for all three of us. These shots are from our apple picking excursion last fall.

Ready for Fall

With this incredible cool weather today here in Philly, I had to bundle up little B for the first time before we headed outside for a morning walk. Here's the mini "Beanie Man", the nickname my dad gave Matthew, with his collection of dozens of beanies. We're all loving this incoming fall weather and enjoyed sleeping without the ac unit last night and instead having our windows open. We might head up to our favorite part of the area - Frenchtown - for some apple picking tomorrow.

We just had a fun few days with Matthew's sister, Laurel, who was able to see her new nephew for the first time before she headed back to Olympia, WA.

We're still trying to figure out our Halloween costumes for our kiddos, so we'll be sure to keep you all posted! Enjoy the coming weekend.

"...who does he look like?"

The infamous question of the day lately. In my opinion, he's a straight mix of us both (funny, how that works :0). What do you think?

Are you SERIOUS?!?

Okay, this is just ridiculous! Are there really people out there who would buy this for their dog?! Sorry if you're one of those...you're probably thinking the same about me who is pouring over costumes for newborns and trying to figure out what Brighton and his two new girl friends should be for Halloween. They won't even remember...why spend time on a costume...or money?! Well it's definately not for the kid, and most definately for the parents...and I guess, to show the kiddo when he's older, right?? Here are some ideas we're tossing around with our friends for our new babes:

The Three Little Pigs

A Veggie Patch (each babe a different veggie in a pram with fake grass & seed signs "Carrots", "Corn", etc...

Three Blind Mice

Best in Show (different dogs with the parents as the psycho dog show-ers)

Star Wars - check out these hilarious costumes for Chewy and Princess Leai

Cast your vote in the comment section below!!

you ain't nothin' but a hound dog...

Our little Elvis. Who knows WHERE that face came from?! I've never seen it before until the camera captured it. What a goof ball. Our boy is definately growing and becoming more "human" every day...and less of a newborn "pet". We visited our friends, the Hasses, and their new little 10 day old girl who is just beautiful, Zady Grace (not Sadie, like I posted before :0) Here she is on her own AND next to little B, who looks like a brute beast next to her!We're trying to work on a "3 Peas in a Pod" costume for our three babies - Zady, Brighton, and the Beatty's girl (who has yet to arrive!) - for Halloween. If you have any brilliant, cheap ideas let me know! Congrats again to Zach & Jen and their sweet gal!!

weekend retreat

Matthew, Brighton and I will be heading off to the Poconos with our church, Liberti, for the weekend, so I'll be on a blogging hiatus for those of you who are daily checkers :0) We're looking forward to getting to know this crew better and beginning to see how we might invest more deeply in this community. Plus, we're just pumped to be getting out of the city and back to some rivers for some potential fishing opportunities. Although I may have to leave my waders at home this go-round since I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this almost 6 week old kiddo. I'm not sure how much he'd like standing in the middle of a stream in the Bjorn ;0) Here are a few shots of us fishing back West in Colorado (me on top with no luck, Matthew on the bottom with his prize catch). Enjoy the coming beautiful weekend. I'll return next week!

My first manicure

Yes, this will go in the collection of pictures NOT to show Brighton when he hits adolescence...along with the one's of him taking a bath with his mom or breastfeeding :0) But hey, it's a cute shot for now. For any of you all who've had tiny babies...you know how terrifying it is to cut their little finger nails that seem smaller than a pin head and as flimsy as scotch tape. I tried biting them like my pediatrician recommended, but I felt like I was going to bite the whole tip of his finger off. So then I tried filing them...another recommendation that failed due to the flimsy factor. So I finally braved the nail clippers and have so far not managed to nick his finger in the process...so far. I'm sure I will now that I've jinxed myself. I tremble horribly every time I set to the task though even with him sound asleep and dead to the world.

Today we had our first full day out, as I was helping WHM with their assessment of new missionary candidates. I helped in the Vision and Mission interview, which I loved. It reminded me of my own desire to be overseas in the future and being apart of reaching the lost in our generation as I talked to a girl who's possibly heading over to Spain next year. It's wonderful to be reminded again of who I am and how God has knit me together in those ways, in the midst of all the recent transition of becoming a mom as well. And B did wonderfully, sleeping and eating right on schedule throughout the interviews. Now if he'll JUST get that process rolling at NIGHT we'd be golden.

Oh Happy Day...

...okay, I decided (see my post below from earlier today)...I AM going to create a new page just to post pictures on instead of trying to cram them all on here with my other posts. Yes, I love pictures so I'll most likely always accompany my posts with a shot of our lives, but there are just too many photos I want to share and that family is asking for...therefore, I am now introducing the "Little B" picture page. Just head over there to the right, under the Growing Belly Shots and you can coo over Brighton until your hearts content (Mom :0). I just added a few tonight, but have a bunch more I'll be including over the next few days, so keep checkin' and enjoy!

Brigh-ton-Zoo-lan-derrrr

Here's the little male model doing his Blue Steel look...or Le Tigre...or Ferrari...we can't tell them apart yet ;0) For those of you who haven't seen Zoolander, sorry for the references. We promised to post his zoolander face though and here it is...well the best ones we could capture on the camera. I've got a ton of pictures to post now that Matthew sent the digital camera ones to me, but I'm trying to figure out what the best way to do that is. Whether I should create a separate picture section on this blog or just post them on this main page...hmmm. Either way, stay tuned for some hilarious and beautiful captured moments in the life of little B.

Welcome Sadie Grace!

Congrats to our dear friends, Zach and Jen, who just had their new baby girl! Sadie Grace arrived yesterday weighing in at 6lbs and something ounces (Matthew and I forgot the ounces...if anyone knows the correct "stats", feel free to comment below) We can't wait to meet her and welcome her into our community who is dying to love on this little girl. Way to go guys! Praise Jesus for this new precious life. Now we're two down (Brighton and Sadie) with one to go...the Beatty's little gal here shortly. Her due date is coming up in early October.

Fresh from the Tub

Little B is continuing to enjoy his relaxing baths...here he is all clean and handsome yesterday. Well, clean until I dropped my red popsicle on him while I was carrying him around in the sling. If he's not getting himself dirty, I manage to do it for him.

We've started a new routine of trying to keep him awake after he eats, instead of snoozing right away. Now that he's a month old, we're going to try to help him have a little more structure and HOPEFULLY help him sleep a little better during the night. These days I've just been letting him sleep through the day so I can join him. But I'm hoping that feeding him, playing with him for a bit and keeping him active, THEN letting him sleep, might help him understand day is for being AWAKE and night is for SLEEPING. Ha, I know...it'll be months before he really gets that concept...or years, for you seasoned mothers with toddlers :0) But we thought it couldn't hurt.

This weekend, my best bud from high school is coming up to hang out with us which should be fun. She'll be the first of my friends to meet little B, besides our Philly clan. Here's our goofy high school graduation shot...ahh, high school ;0)
B's playtime is not so much fun for him at the moment. I think he's bored of the striped blanket I've been letting him stare at, so I better wrap this up. Enjoy the weekend all!

The Pregnant Home Group

It was a funny chain of events last winter, as Matthew and I announced to our then new home group that we were unexpectedly pregnant...only to find out a few weeks later that two of our closest friends in that group were ALSO expecting just a few weeks after us this fall. So now with Brighton here, we're all waiting in eager expectation for our friends, the Hasses, to have their little girl any day now and our other friends, the Beattys, to have their girl a week or so after that. What a blessing it's been for me to have both a mom who's gone before me (Maria - the cute prego girl in the picture) and another new mom, Jen, to share in the mystery of this new life change. We all live within about a mile of each other, making it easy to get together for walks this coming fall or to get creative in one of our kitchens or just share in the hardships AND joys of being/becoming mothers. For me, life seems so much more manageable when Christ offers me the gift of genuine community, where we can be free to not only have fun together and just enjoy each other, but challenge, support and push each other closer to Him through the ups and downs of life.

Day of Rest

The way Saturday morning started out, we thought it was going to be a hellish weekend...but God offered us a wonderful break and graciously gave our family rest these past two days. Brighton was a dream and slept through our different events we attended and woke up peacefully to eat and then gaze around at everyone. Saturday evening Matthew and I were able to go out on a pseudo-date with B in tow, but snoozing the whole time. At church, he slept in his sling for three hours straight and didn't even wake as we passed him around for people to hold. Then the best part was coming home and getting to take our Sunday coma-nap for the first time in over a month. He conked out for two hours and let his parents do the same. It truly was a day of rest! Who knows what the coming week will hold. Probably more gas and sleepless nights, but we were SO thankful for a weekend to actually begin enjoying being a family and rest together. We feel covered and supported by your many prayers....thank you!

Happy One-Month B-Day!!

Today Brighton is officially one month old...or as his dad would say, 11 months old, since the his life began 10 months BEFORE he emerged into this crazy world. Wow. One month. He already looks so different and is starting to look more like a baby that a scrawny newborn. In honor of my dad who always makes us 'list your favorite three things about...' our most recent vacation, the holiday we most recently had, the new restaurant we went to (okay, thats an exxageration, but he does like the 'favorite lists'), I'm going to do a Top Ten List of little B's first month here with us on earth...to share the good things and not just the sleep deprivation saga.

So here goes...the official Top Ten List of Brighton's first month with us:

10. The night he not only peed on his dad, but then decided to poop down his chest when daddy picked him up...then all over the bathroom floor, then peed AGAIN on the changing table. What a stinker...but it makes a pretty funny story.

9. His Zoolander "Blue Steel" face (picture still coming on that one)

8. Getting to finally take big kid baths and having the most stinkin' cute curly hair afterwards

7. His "burrito man" look - swaddled in his alligator blanket

6. Me learning how to type one-handed or bounce on the exercise ball with him in the sling as I type

5. Having him fall sleep next to me and put his little hand on my chest...as if to say "you're not going anywhere, right!?"

4. Never getting tired of staring at his deep, almond eyes and beautiful little lips or watching him sleep

3. Listening to his endless chatter, grunts, noises...okay, that can be annoying at times too, especially at 3am. But it's cute when I'm not trying to get to sleep

2. Seeing him change already - like his latest new trick is mimicking us sticking out our tongue...if we can hold his gaze, we'll stick out our tongue slowly and he'll follow suit...he IS getting closer to interacting with us, like they keep saying!!

1. And finally, realizing again and again, that this is a little soul God knit together and fearfully and wonderfully designed...and he's OURS!!


I'm sure the future top ten lists will be more exciting as B moves from being a newborn pooping/crying machine into a more interactive baby, but those are some of my favorite things this far into the game.
Here's a picture Matthew stole last week after arriving home from work to find his two babes snoozing (finally!) after a long day of trying to figure each other out. Pardon my wrecked-dazed-drooling-mom look, but Brighton looks pretty dang cute :0)

big boy bath

Now that the nasty stub of umbilical cord has fallen off, Brighton can now jump in the tub with us instead of being sponge bathed like an invalid. Obviously from the pictures he's a little shocked by the whole experience. I think it makes him fondly reminsce being in the womb....and desparately want to get back there. Life outside seems a little too much for him these days. The doctor confirmed that this is the 3 week mark that most babies start having gas issues and end up fussier and getting less sleep. Joy. But otherwise, our little guy is healthy and growing, now up to 10lbs 2oz. Just keeping his parents awake and active at all points throughout the day and night. As always, your prayers for our sanity and for rest are always appreciated. Enjoy the weekend ahead.

Off to the Doc

This morning Matthew and I are taking little B to his first "well-baby check-up" at the doctor. We're going to ask him about our poor little guy's gas issues and see if there's anything we can do to help him out. Last night he refused the bottle again, but after relieving himself for awhile in Matthew's arms, he begrudgingly took it early this morning. Hurray! I got a good almost 4 hour chunk of sleep thanks to Matthew and feel MUCH better this morning than yesterday morning. Although B was great yesterday and took two naps where I was able to sleep with him (one with him still in the Bjorn strapped to my chest :0) So thank you all for your prayers! I'll keep you all posted on what we find out today. Any guesses on how big this guy will be now? He was 9lbs 2oz a little over a week ago. Lemme know those guesses...the winner gets a free night of taking care of Brighton!! Ha, ha...

Two Hours...

I think that's the grand total of how much sleep I got last night between 9:30pm when I went to bed and 7am this morning when I got up. In some countries, they use sleep deprivation as torture. I wonder how I'll be able to continue functioning like this. Brighton has been pretty good about taking a bottle of my milk from Matthew at least once during the night so I can try to get a 4 hour stretch of sleep. But last night he refused to. And refused to sleep for more than 5-10min. stretches at a time. He continues to refuse to sleep this morning. Right now I'm trying to bounce him in the sling as I type this, but he's not enjoying it too much. I'm not sure if this is a gas issue he's having or just growing pains, but it hurts to see him so upset and it's slowly unravelling me. So if you read this today, we'd both appreciate your prayers - for some rest or just time to chill out without bouncing around the house or having to be in constant motion to soothe his upset belly!!

Labor Day with the Grands...

Brighton is lucky to have three sets of "Greats" (great-grandparents, both on my side, one set on Matthew's side) and two sets of "Grands" (both our parents) and even a "Great-Great" (Matthew's great-grandmother, Gran). This weekend, he was able to spend Labor Day with one set of his "Grands", my parents who were visiting for a few days.

My dad was great with his grandson - rocking him to sleep and even getting him to stay asleep in his crib, and carrying him around in the Baby Bjorn during our walks to the neighborhood coffee shop where he & my mom were mistook for being the parents of B by a couple there since my mom was carrying him and Dad had the Bjorn on...pretty funny :0)

And of course, Mom couldn't get enough of her chubby little grandson - doesn't he look like a chunker in this picture!! Here he is snoozing on her lap in Chestnut Hill, sheltered by his daddy's hat.

Thankfully, Brighton's getting more and more used to his sling, which gives me free hands to do things around the house and offers me an easier alternative to the Bjorn if I need to run out for something - like a few groceries at our neighborhood coop, or dropping off mail in our mail bin down the street or taking a load of laundry downstairs. He usually ends up falling asleep in it after a few minutes.

All in all, we had a great weekend - enjoying my folks, enjoying our first time back at church and seeing all our friends, and closing off the weekend BBQing with our close friends last night and talking about life/relationships/and good movies :0)

Summertime boys got it goin' on...

Here's our little B in an actual "real" outfit instead of his massive collection of onesies. He gained a pound this past week (up to 9lbs. 2oz. as of Wednesday) so he's starting to somewhat fit into a few of his real get-ups. It's crazy how fast these little guys grow. We walked to our local coffee shop yesterday morning and saw another couple with their 3 month old baby. He looked HUGE compared to our little bean. Although I won't miss the sleepless nights, I will miss our tiny little one as he starts to grow and change and move away from being a helpless infant into a developing personality. One of those things that is bound to change is his sweet baby smell which is pretty addicting! I love when he's curled up next to me sleeping and I can smell his warm head against my face.

This last shot is the "Mommy's Trying to Blind Me!" one. Matthew was pretty annoyed that I took this picture so close with the flash. I hope I didn't permanently damage his baby eyes. Sometimes I think I'm a decent mom, other times I wonder why anyone trusts me all day with this kid.



Well Papa Smith has finished prepping the breakfast so I'm off to satiate my ravenous "nursing mom's appetite". Brighton is asleep in his sling on my chest and I'm bouncing on the exercise ball as I type this trying to keep him snoozing. It's a goofy picture, but a lot better than trying to blog one handed. Hope you all enjoy the long Labor Day weekend! My parents and little sis will be coming into town for another visit, which we're totally pumped about and my brother will get to come meet his little nephew for the first time :0)

First Outing

SO strange to drive again after not only being bedridden for over a week or going through one of the most traumatic events of my life yet (natural labor) but now carrying the precious cargo of a little life. At least I had my mom with me for the first big outing. This is us heading out to our one week check up with my midwife. Here is Brighton, snug as a bug.



It was strange to head back to the birth center where Brighton was born and feel the emotions of that intense night. But it was fun to return this time as a mom with my son and not as a "stuffed" pregnant gal. I was VERY glad to be on THIS side of labor! Brighton had almost gained back his birth weight, back up to 8lbs after going down to 7lbs 11oz during the "no-milk" first few days. He's growing and changing so much in these first couple of weeks. Now much more alert and with it. He's been going through one of his first growth spurts lately and has been eating every hour today. Whew! By the time he's done I have about 30 minutes before he's ready to go again!

He's also had a pretty upset stomach the past few days causing him to spit up a lot more and struggle with the whole gas issue, poor guy. It stinks seeing your little kiddo grimace and wail from pain you can't do anything about. I guess this is just the beginning of learning what it means to hurt for your kids and want to do anything to "save" them from pain. Hmm, a constant battle for lots of mom's I know. I guess this is also the beginning of realizing I CAN"T be his "savior", but Christ can...and is with Brighton, fighting for him, more than I'll ever know.

So today marked the beginning of me feeling antsy as well, and wanting to get "back into life"...whatever that means now with a baby. I walked to our neighborhood co-op with B in the Bjorn and felt a great sense of accomplishment buying our stash of spinach, blueberries and wheat tortillas. Ha, guess it's the gradual steps that'll help me feel like I'm getting back into some sense of normalcy. I still wonder how I'll ever brave an extended outing or trip to a large store without feeling panicky though. After our midwife appointment, my mom and I stopped by Whole Foods to eat a sandwich outside, but B just lost it. We both hurried to get him back in the car and settled down. Ugh, guess I'll need to recruit friends to accompany me on those first few trips out.

That's the latest from the new momma and her gassy sidekick (snoozing peacefully in one arm...so excuse any spelling errors/typos as this was a one-handed blog...yes, it takes WAY too long typing with one hand!)

The final belly shot

He has emerged. We're amazed that all of that boy was inside my belly just a little over a week ago. And he was even a little bit bigger since he lost a few ounces those first few days! Yesterday he fell asleep in the Baby Bjorn so I decided to heed the advice of everyone and "sleep when the baby sleeps". So I just laid down in bed on my back and kept him in the Bjorn on my tummy. I couldn't believe how heavy he felt and how much harder it was to breath and that he'd been living in there at that size for a few weeks!


Today has been more encouraging as I'm learning to not be so scared of making mistakes and just enjoy Brighton. Yeh, he still poops on the changing table (three times in one change this morning!) and is hard to figure out sometimes, but we're learning. Slowly I'm starting to pick up on his cues and learn what his silly facial expressions are all about. One of our favorites is "Blue Steel"...he totally does the Zoolander look at least 5 times a day where he purses his lips together, cocks his chin and opens his eyes real wide. Not sure what that means yet, unless he's practicing to be a male model. Our new nickname for him is Meakus, thanks to Aunt Diggy :0) Matthew has a picture of it on his computer, so we'll post that soon.

Thanks for all the encouragement and emails. It's nice to feel apart of a community even though I've been indoors for almost two weeks now! Much love, Amy & little B

Home Alone

Well, Mom left yesterday and I spent my first full day home alone with little B. Unfortunately, he could pick up on my edginess about beginning this "mom thing" on my own and sadness about my own mom leaving, so he was an absolute pill for the first time. I'd never heard him scream this hard or for no appartent reason at all. Unlike his last 7 days with us, he refused to go to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, but also refused to be put down. So I rocked him, talked to him, cried with him and wondered how I was going to ever get used to being a mom and taking care of this helpless little babe. The crying carried on into the night as he sleep for one hour at a time, making Matthew wander the halls with him, attempt to rock with him, and sooth him in whatever way he could think of. At one point I think we were both looking at each other wondering "What have we gotten ourselves into?!" But we always wake up and look at our little boy with awe and delight and wonder how he can be so precious and yet so annoying at times. I read Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" during our summer beach vacation in June. I think I'm going to re-read it as she's one of the more candid mom's I've ever heard talk about the joys and stresses of becoming a mom and sorting through the host of conflicting emotions. I'd highly recommend it to any of you fellow first time mommas :0)

So we're alive although insanely sleep deprived. And learning in a new way what it means to walk through the fire and trust we won't be burned (although I sometimes think I can smell the burning flesh) and to pass through the waters and trust they will not overcome us (even though I feel I'm gurgling on water and about to sink). Isaiah 43 has taken on a whole new meaning as we cling to promises that don't seem very real and trust in the Perfect Father when we feel like sucky parents ourselves. Please continue to pray for us as we walk through this rocky first few weeks/months.

More pictures are coming when we get a chance to upload them to our computer. He's so stinkin' cute, it's probably hard to ever picture him being a pill...ha, ha ;0)

pea in the pod

Today is Brighton's official due date...THANK GOODNESS he's already here and no longer the "Belly Boy". Soon we want to take the last official belly shot, of me in that black outfit, I started out taking pictures in, with Brighton held up to my belly. How wild that our son is here...it still hasn't ceased to amaze me, even with all the lack of sleep and roller coaster of emotions these past few days have been. Last night we celebrated Matthew's 27th birthday with margarita's for Mom & Matthew and a smaller version for me. That's also when we let Brighton try out his new sling. Hopefully a new mode of transportation during the day so I can move around the house with some more freedom. He actually seemed to like it and it was super comfortable for me, so we'll see how it works these next few weeks as I get off the couch and up more often. Mom will be here a few more days, then it's just me and Brighton starting on Tuesday. I'm a little nervous about the change and how a new routine will develop in the coming weeks for Brighton & I. Matthew starts back at World Harvest on Monday, so I would love your prayers next week as I'm "on my own" for the first time during the day!


Brighton's favorite way to sleep...on his side next to his daddy or me :0)

Picture Baby vs. Real Baby

The "picture baby" always looks so sweet and angelic and perfect...the "real baby" never gets his picture taken. The crying, pooping, cranky baby :0) These are the most recent shots of our little boy looking, well, pretty perfect. And in so many ways he is, but in so many other ways he's a real human baby that interacts with life in many different ways. He coos and gurgles and makes us smile, and he cries and kicks and poops all over the changing table making us sigh in frustration at times. As we move into day 5 after a night of no more than 1 hour stretches of sleep, we wonder how we're going to make it through weeks of this. We know we will as countless parents have done before us, but we just have to wonder what that will look like as we already feel pooped and that's WITH my mom here taking two night shifts herself :0)

Christ be our Sustainer as you always are. Father us children during this time of learning to father & mother our own little boy.

Brighton coos in agreement as he sleeps here next to me on the couch :0) He's so beautiful, I wish you could all see him and cuddle him in person. It would warm your heart. Even if he does think day is night and night is day for now...we'll come out of this time different people, better people and with a beautiful son to love and raise in our weakness.

Brighton means "the one who is loved". I'm so thankful it's not just Matthew and I who have to live up to that promise, but that Christ loves and cherishes this little boy more than we'll ever be able to ourselves or even understand ourselves. We catch a tiny glimpse of what that's like when we look at him and feel our hearts swelling up so much love that we think they'll burst. I guess that's what Christ feels for us all the time...even in our weakness, our patheticness, our ugliness. Today I am more thankful for this gospel because of this state I'm in than I was six days ago when life was "easier". Thats a gift in disguise I believe :0)

He's here!

Our little boy arrived 7 days early, last night at 5:45pm. I'd been in active labor since Saturday night, so it was a long go, but we survived and now have a handsome little man to love on. Matthew Brighton Smith. He's a chunky 8lbs 3oz and is 20 1/2 inches long. He is absolutely beautiful. Perfect skin, perfect round little face, cute little cleft chin, beautiful black hair, chubby cheeks. Oh man, we'll definately have to get more pictures soon but wanted to at least get a few for you all to see his beautiful face, so check them out on the famdamily site. We can't believe how much we love this little guy already. I can barely pull him away from Matthew to feed him :0) He wants to cuddle him, love on him, and just look at him all day long. We're both hooked on our little Brighton. More to come on the "birth story" later, when I'm feeling a little more rested. My mom & Matthew were troopers and such amazing supports for me during a difficult labor. Mom is here now helping us out and totally pampering me. I think she's hooked on little Brighton too.

Thank you all for your love and support during this time!

So this is probably it...

...the next post you get from us could be that our boy has arrived! As most of you know, the past few days have been pretty rough with frequent back pain, contractions, pressure down low, etc. Last night we went out to North Third to celebrate Matthew's 27th bday with a bunch of friends. I noticed then that I was leaking some fluid, which continued into the night. Then...this may be too much info if you're a man or queasy in general...my bloody show started in the middle of the night and has continue throughout the morning. I just spoke to my midwife and she said that most likely labor is approaching and just take it easy today as tonight will probably be the night. YIKES! I didn't think I'd have this much warning time to putter around and try and maintain some sense of composure! I took advantage of the morning and cleaned up the house until it got unbearably hot (yes, it's not even 10 AM yet!?). They're saying on the news it's going to be a scorcher this weekend. Hip-hip-hurray. We've got the ac units on though and will hopefully be able to find something distracting to do throughout the day that's not too far from home or the birth center. Matthew's at our good friends, the Beatty's, right now helping them move furniture. I'm ready for him to come home and get me out of the house for awhile :0) We'll keep everyone posted when anything happens, so make sure to check in again tomorrow. And keep us in your prayers these next 24 hours!!

our own T-Rex

Random shot Matthew took of me resting my Nalgene on my belly while reading in bed one night. Funny thing is that Brighton was moving around, making the bottle jiggle and water do that "Jurassic Park" thing...we've got our own little T-Rex on his way!

Last night was pretty intense and I finally thought this was it. I'd had back lower back pain that creaped to the front of my belly in the middle of the night accompanied with Braxton-Hicks, but last night was the most painful I'd experienced yet. I was up til 3am trying to move around and make them go away, but they wouldn't subside. I figured if this was "IT", then I needed to get some sleep and when they got worse, I'd wake up. Like my midwife said, no one can actually sleep through labor :0) So I forced myself to get back in bed and go to sleep. It took awhile, but next thing I knew it was morning...and no more contractions! Odd how that happens in these last few weeks. I was just glad I didn't wake up Matthew from his much needed ZZZ's or freak out and call the midwife.

Since I was still pretty crampy this morning, I decided to stay home from work and take it easy. Rest up after a night of early laboring and hopefully make a birthday cake for Matthew....just in CASE we don't make it to next week when he turns 27 on August 19th :0)

Any day now...

We just got back from our 38 week appointment with our midwife. She said he should be arriving any day now. His head is extremely low for a first-time mom and I've already effaced 80%. So who knows when we'll get this show on the road. We'll be sure to let everyone know via the blog, so keep checking back. Here's the latest shots of the Mount of Brighton. Check out the crazy one of the famdamily site...whadda belly! We're hoping to get one right before we head to the birth center as his "last few hours inside", but we'll see if I'm feeling up to it. Ha!

Watch out, she's got a knife AND she's hormonal!

Just a silly pic our friend, Coury, took. So it looks like we survived the week of our midwife being gone. She returns tomorrow evening. Let's hope Brighton doesn't get any smart ideas about escaping in the next 24 hours :0)

Here's one that shows off the ever expanding belly quite well since that's all you guys want on my blog these days :0) I guess everyone wants to get that last peak at the Belly Boy before he emerges and leaves me without a melon for a tummy anymore. He must be about 15lbs now...ha, ha...or at least it FEELS that way!

what a GIFT!

(This is also posted on our famdamily site...to appease Matthew...ha, ha ;0) Our friends, the Deebs, just gave us the greatest baby gift ever last night...a new huge a/c unit for our den! As I've written about a few times on here, Matthew and I have been living in our bedroom every day after work - the one place we have an a/c unit - as temperatures have soared here in Philly lately. Puttering around a upper 80's house quickly drains you of all energy, so we come home, make dinner, eat in our room and chill out there the rest of the night. The Deebs figured that'd be no way to live with a new baby here in a few weeks, so they decided to buy us an a/c unit so we could enjoy the rest of our house during these next few months in cool comfort! We were so blown away by their generosity and thoughtfulness to come up with such a perfect gift! God truly has provided us with an amazing community of friends here in Philly. We enjoyed one of our first dinners actually at our dining room table with them last night. Also"Coury Deeb", an amazing photographer, took over 100 pictures of Matthew and I to document this "pregnancy time", which we'll be sure to post once we sort through them. Besides the typical "smiling at the camera shots", he wanted to take ones of us doing every day things, like cooking a meal, eating dinner, reading Harry Potter, working on our Macs...they're a lot of fun! He's also going to take some of us with Brighton once he's born, which we're still holding strong thankfully...our midwife returns this Saturday. More news on that front later. This week I'm training a new gal at work and have had busy evenings, so I haven't been the greatest about returning emails and posting, but once things slow down I'll be in touch more often. Take care all!

No more room

Brighton's kicking me in the ribs mercilessly. I can't find any position to save my ribs from this beratement. He's also got the hiccups, which usually last for 5-10 minutes and are so strong my whole belly jumps. At this moment, I'm annoyed and tired of it. And right now, that makes me I think I'll be a bad mom for some silly hormonal reason. I feel like there's no room left in my tiny belly for this full-grown baby...and I think he feels that way too. As his "being-awake-times" have turned into, what feels like, an violent attempted escape every couple of hours, with all his thrashing around. Come this Friday, when our midwife returns, I hope one of his escape plans is a success.


(Note: no, that's not my belly, just a funny picture I found online...we don't think it's real though)

Want a challenge on your discernment skills?

Matthew and I have become big fans of the "Ransom Fellowship"group. They're the best collection of teachers on Christian discerment we've come across yet. Their insights are fresh and challenging that stray from the typical forumlatic way most Christians attempt to dip their pinky toes in culture. This website has amazing resources for being immersed in our world and culture, but not in a fake, wanna-be Christian way. They challenge Christians to get totally immersed...even in the frightening parts - movies that are uncomfortable, talks with friends feel disturbing and rub you the wrong way. If you have any time to breeze through the site, I'd highly recommend it.

Or better yet, sign up to start getting the "Critque"mailing. Check out the Archives and you'll be hooked. One of my favorite articles is from Issue #8 - 2000 called "Reacting: When We Aren't Discerning". A GREAT insight into how quick we are to react and not use the minds God gave us to authentically marry discernment with love.

But my all-time favorite from this group would be "Notes From Toad Hall", writings by Denis Haak's wife, Margie. She has an amazing talent to unearth the dredges of her own heart that almost ALWAYS act as a mirror to reveal my own issues. She writes with an honesty that is so rare among Christian women today, who seem to try so hard to be envied rather than loved. She has no shiny badges of honor to display - perfect life, perfect husband, perfect body, perfect children. She just dances in her daughtership to Christ through the struggles of life.

Take a few seconds and request these two publications. You'll pour over them, I promise...and if nothing else, it's better than getting bills in the mail :0)

Keep that cradle empty a LITTLE longer, please!

I just got back from my 36 1/2 week midwife appointment and had my first "internal exam", which is basically to determine if my body has been up to anything lately...since we're drawing nearer to the due date. And it seemed like my body had been up to A LOT. His head is already engaged down in my pelvis, I'm dilated 1 cm, and my cervix is already about 20% effaced. Wow. I had been having mild cramps & back pain, but just thought it was my body getting pumped up...not actually producing changes this early on. So that's exciting, BUT the bad news is that my midwife will be going out of town this Friday through the next Friday and she's instructed me to do WHATEVER I can NOT to go into labor...since she wants to be there for our birth :0) And we want HER there!! If I did go into labor during that week, I wouldn't be able to have the baby at the birth center like we'd been planning. I'd have to have him at the hospital with a midwife I didn't know and who wouldn't know me. Which is not what we'd hoped for. So PRAY that this little boy with be happy to stay inside me at least for another two weeks! He's free to come after August 6th, in my opinion, but PLEASE NO SOONER! We suddenly got the jitters when we realized this thing was really happening. My body is really preparing to bring this baby into the world. We will have a son in a month or sooner. How wild.

So I'm going to try to take it easy - not go to the gym this week, stop taking my "prep" vitamins she had me on to get labor rolling, stop drinking my prego tea. All these things she was urging me to do a few weeks ago, she told me to halt for now since my body obviously isn't having any problems getting ready or being sluggish at all. Pray for us as we wait these next few weeks and hope for labor to be delayed until Barbara returns...and for our hearts if that's NOT in God's plan, to be flexible to go with what He does provide over these next few weeks. I'll keep you all posted :0)

Summer Dinner Ideas?

Well, I can't complain...it seems like we're all melting in this wretched heat across the country. The humidity has been especially bad lately. The air is so thick it makes us feel like fish swimming around an aquarium in our house at night. Thankfully, Mom & Dad bought us an a/c unit back in June which we have cranked up in our bedroom, so we spend our evenings in there.

The hard part has been figuring out what to have for dinner, since turning on the gas oven or even stovetop ups the temp in our house in a matter of seconds...it's just not an option. Last night we did tossed some split chicken breasts & zucchini/squash/onions/garlic doused in balsamic vinegar & olive oil in the oven. Then dashed into our room with the timer and waited an hour before taking out the meal. It worked, but there have GOT to be some better dinner ideas for the summer. That's where you all come in. I know there are tons of lurkers out there who read this blog on a regular basis but won't add comments or admit to their "minismith blog fetish"...he, he. Now is the time to come clean and POST something yourselves!! Think of it as a gift to a sweltering pregnant gal who needs some dinner help :0)

So don't be shy, dig out those recipes from your head or your favorite cookbook and put your suggestions in the comment section below. OR if you don't like the publicity, you can email me instead like most of you all do anyhow ;0) I really would appreciate any simple, cool meal ideas you have!!

Enjoy your brain-storming session and the upcoming weekend. We're off to our favorite spot, "Frenchtown", again this evening if I can muster up the energy.

5 weeks left...

Here's the latest growth of "Belly Boy" at 35 weeks and 3 days. More shots are on the "Growing Belly Shots" page. Today my ribs are aching from his constant knee and foot action. I try to protect them sometimes and put my hand in between my ribs and his feet...but usually to no avail. He'll knock them out of the way with a powerful boot. He's going to be one strong kiddo! Besides the typical crampiness and constant braxton-hicks...I'm holding up fairly well...especially considering our no a/c and this wretched heat with insufferable humidity :0) Just a little over a month to go now...

my favorite place

With one of my best friends in Ireland over this summer, it's made me reminisce about my favorite place I've found (thus far) here on earth (not to be TOTALLY dramatic or anything ;0). When I was in Ireland for the summer of 2000, two of my friends and I went exploring around Castlerock, the No. Ireland town we were staying it. We stumbled across this hidden "park" right before dusk hit after taking a wrong turn. I won't be able to describe it adequately...you'll just have to go someday ;0)

After walking up a somewhat sketchy, overgrown path, you come upon a huge pasture...with, of course, sheep wandering around. What else would you expect in Ireland? The funniest part was a sheep that seemed to have the "wobbly" part of his vocal chords gone. You know how sheep normally do a sort of rhythmic "Bah-aAaAa"? Well this one had no wobble in his Baa at all. He sounded like a human trying to MAKE a Baa noise. It was just a flat baaaaa-baaaaa. I don't know if that makes sense, but it was hilarious and he wouldn't stop.

Anyhow, the pasture lead to...of course, the ruins of a castle. Also another typical scene in Ireland. But the real find of the night was a fully intact building, literally teetering on the edge of a cliff overlooking the north Antrim coast. It was stunning as the sun set over the water behind it, making us all stand in silence for a few moments before we approached.

I'd never experienced such a magical moment. As my friends kept exploring, I just sat on that stone wall and took in all the beauty. The setting sun over the water and the amazing colors it cast everywhere. The odd mixture of scents in the air, salty coast and sheepy pasture. The cooling dusk air. I think about that place and think that may be as close to heaven as I come before I actually get there. I don't think I'd ever want to go back though because it wouldn't be the same. It may not have been just the beauty that struck me, but the way Christ met me there and we just sat and enjoyed his creation together. If I went back, it may just be another pretty place...but that evening, it was a place where my heart was captured in something much bigger than me and this life. I was able to be still in the purest sense of the word and just rest in beauty.

I think Christ wants us to take time to do that more often. It's hard to "find" those moments though. I actually don't think we ever do FIND those moments, but rather He just surprises us with them every now and then. But I was thankful for that moment and the memory of it. It reminds me that there are more of those moments to come interspersed in the daily grind of life...moments to be still and rest in beauty. Like curling up next to my warm Matthew on a Saturday morning. Or really enjoying the flavors in a thought-over and meticulously prepared meal. Or soon spending hours hours exploring all the little baby parts of Brighton that God knit together in MY body over these past 10 months!? We all want grand, magical moments, but I think they're in ALL of our days...just harder to recoginze when we're rushing around focused on people-pleasing, self-gratifying, approval-sucking. At least that's a typical day in the life of Amy :0) Thank goodness Jesus is up to the task of rescuing us from ourselves and silly pursuits again and again.

Franicis Thompson describes this futile flight from God well in his poem "Hound of Heaven" written in 1893 after dealing with a pretty rough life himself of living on the streets of London, being addicted to opium, and never really "getting his act together" before he died in 1907. If we were honest with ourselves...that's all of us. Our addictions and destitution all look different than each others, but our "act" will never be "gotten together" before we get out of these tainted earthly bodies. I love knowing I'm being pursued daily by the Hound of Heaven. There's no deeper rest than that.

Store Wars

Those of you who know us, know that ever since I went to my naturopathic doctor in Colorado and got off sugar and caffeine, we've unfortunately had our eyes opened to a whole new world of "food righteousness". It can get UGLY! "Real" Health Food store shoppers vs. Whole Foods clones. Strict label-readers vs. health-food wannabes. It tires us out sometimes to walk the thin line of being in this new food world and not becoming obessive like so many people we run into at our local co-op or health food store. We've made decisions for our family about products we no longer purchase and types of food that we eat, but the last thing we want to is look down on others because they "don't do it OUR way". Yuck. Those people annoy me. So we buy our organic dairy stuff, our free-range meats, and hydrogenated-oil-free snacks...but we're not one to turn down food from anyone so we don't talk about our beliefs about our food thoughts all that much. It is fun to find fellow food-geeks to delve into this stuff with every now and then though :0)

ANYHOW, long story to introduce this hilarious video...Grocery Store Wars. You'll have to watch it to understand how it relates to my musing above, but I came across it on a fellow-food geeks blog. It's basically a mock Star Wars, but it's the organic produce vs. the "Dark Side" (aka: typical grocery store products). Great commentary on this "food righteousness" world we've waded into over the past year :0) Let me know what you think!

Nap Time

This is what I wish I was doing right now. It's almost 2pm which is right about the time everyday I just want to crawl under my desk and fall asleep. The energy level is definately lagging here starting my 35th week. But the good news is that it looks like I'll have about 3 more weeks of "full-day" work, then one week of morning hours and being on-call at home in the afternoons, then a full week off before my due date. So I guess I can catch up on all those afternoon naps I'm longing for then.

I thought the eye mask was humorous because, yes, I've actually started using one. Matthew has been hard at work on his artiswork.org website the past couple weeks, which usually extends into the evening hours. Especially since I'm ready to fall asleep at 9:30 or 10pm. We like to at least be in close proximity to each other when I go to sleep, so he works on his computer in bed next to me and I wear my hilarious eye mask. It's like being back in my freshman year of college with my party-hearty roomate who stayed out til 2pm or watched late night t.v. until about that time. Of course, I MUCH more prefer having my hubby next to me and not some random roomate, so the eye mask is worth it. Plus, it'll most likely come in handy when I'm trying to take those mid-day naps with the baby in a few months!

So back to work, just needed to share my nap needs to get it off my chest. Maybe I'll do some jumping jacks or something when no one's looking. Or get a half a cup of coffee or some tea. Hmm...

Fortunately for this web nerd, my wife loves me. If you have recently seen the changes to famdamily news you will realize that we are on a kick making changes, but it seemed appropriate, especially given that we now know young Brighton is a boy, we wanted colors that suited him more (although I hope my boy loves a good pink shirt like mine someday too). Goodnight to all. We need our sleep. In about two months we won't get any - or so the story goes.

Cheers,
Matthew

Brighton's Room Up & Running

Today we spent a few hours sorting through shower gifts, organzing all the gear, hanging up some fun photos and overall getting Brighton's room ready to go. It's mind boggling to us that there are only 6 weeks to his due date...so he could literally be here in a few weeks...or come September (let's hope it's not THAT long :0) You'll see some of the pictures we took below. Check out the hip bedding some ladies from my church in Charlottesville got us. It's from Land of Nod...a very cool, but pricey baby stop. The 3 panel divider was a teamwork effort by Matthew and I. Something to separate the kiddo-side from the study-space-side. All in all, we thought it came together nicely. We didn't grab a picture of the glider/rocker thing by the window, but it'll be a nice spot to sit and feed the youngun'. Although he probably won't spend too much time in there the first few months. We have an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper which we'll attach onto the side of the bed to make night feedings a bit easier. Rolling over sounds MUCH nicer than dragging out of bed, trudging over to a bassinet or a whole different room, plopping back down, feeding the babe, then getting back up and putting him away. Not that either way is flawless and yes, I know I will be exhausted for the most part the first few weeks, but word on the street among those who've gone before us is KEEP THAT BABY CLOSE AS POSSIBLE! The less moving around, the more sleep :0) That's enough incentive to make us at least try it out.

So we're pretty much set on gear and just hunkering down now for the last home stretch. The guys at work threw me a "shower" which was pretty funny considering they're all between the ages of 25-43...and there's JUST men. They bought a cake that said "Happy Labor Day" (ha, ha) and a bag full of baby stuff...as well as a $200 gift card to Babies R Us! We were BLOWN away!! What an incredible gift! Maybe these guys aren't that bad after all...if only they'd let me work from home more than once a week :0)

It's been a restful weekend thus far, besides the DMV saga this morning. I won't share that story...it's too aggrevating for me to deal with still. Then we hit the gym for an hour and came home to clean things up. Tonight we're off to the pool with some friends and then to Chestnut Hill for a cuppa decaf at Labrador, a cute outdoor cafe. Hope you all are getting a blast of this cool springtime weather wherever you are and enjoying your weekend! Here are the Brighton bedroom pics:

For my shower, my friends put together a quilt (still being finished) with quotes from family & friends. As a surprise for Matthew as well, they made his quote into a matching pillow!


The crib area (window & glider to the right)


Our changing area with the panels we made and a linen shirt from Matthew's mom


A close-up of the cool bedding


A old family picture handed down from my Mom's side...and Matthew's first shoes sitting on top of those books

Perfect Weekend

I think Matthew and I had the most fun this weekend than we've had yet during our time here in Philly. We've had moments or days that were great, but never three full days of relaxation. You can check out our pictures on the FamDamilyNews blog (the link is over there on the right if you scroll down for a bit--> )

We drove out of the city Saturday morning and up to the lush and peaceful Bucks County of PA near the Delaware River. We began the day by blueberry picking, YUM!! My favorite fruit of all times. We bought two pints and I've already managed to eat most of them...and make some blueberry/wheat scones. We puttered around the farm for awhile, sampling raspberries from the bush and sour cherries from the tree, then grabbed a fresh homemade cider donut and headed up the river towards Frenchtown.

The drive along the river and through that wooded setion was so beautiful and stayed a cool 70-80 degrees most of the day. Unusually cool for our recent Hot n' Humid streak! Frenchtown was a quaint little haven for hikers and bicyclists who were doing the 30 mile trek around the Delaware river. It was seriously a "Little France" with outdoor cafes, cute book stores, and old B&B's. We sat outside our favorite cafe and shared our HUGE $2 iced coffee. Matthew had gotten out his "official" camera so we wandered around the river taking silly pictures and enjoying the cool water.

Then we headed down to Pt. Pleasant and met a guy at an old antique shop who is a fellow fly-fisherman AND plays in an Old-Timey band...and is a fellow Old Crow Medicine Show lover! We got a few names of bands to check out and found out their band plays outside his antique store every Sunday at 5pm. Yet another reason to make it up to these parts! We grabbed sandwiches at a local deli and headed to the river again to have a "picnic". The rest of the day we just explored more of Bucks County, listened to great music with the windows down, laughed a lot and talked about life and our future. It was so refreshing for us both - physically, mentally and emotionally. We actually started to head home around dinner...got about 15 minutes away...then decided to turn back and spend the evening up there :0) We had a great meal outdoors at that cafe on the river and tried to catch fireflys (a new phenomena for Matthew since they aren't out in Colorado!)

Monday we couldn't resist and ended up heading back up to Frenchtown after getting the baby's room cleaned up and organized. Then we headed into Philly to party city-style with our friends for the 4th. It was MADNESS! With the free Elton John concert & Philly fireworks show, we had to park blocks away from our friend's party. But it was well worth it to spend the evening with these folks we love so much.

The week has quickly stolen our sense of rest...as it always does and always will this side of Heaven :) But we're learning to rest even when chaos is going on around us. Last night we spent the evening being refreshed with more good friends. What would we do with out each other?? I know I would shrivel up into a self-obsessed, miserable prune...without friends to encourage me, walk with me and allow me to walk with them.

As for a Brighton update, the due date is quickly approaching! August 20th is just a little over a month away! We're so ready to see this kid's face and play with his little fingers and toes. We've started to get more serious about preparing for our Birth Center birth...Matthew helped me practice relaxation/contractions (something we did in birth class with ice-packs) by holding a pound of frozen bamburger meat on my back :) That was pretty humorous, but it worked! I'm trying to learn more how to relax during pain and let my body do what it knows how to do. That's NOT my initial reaction to pain! My intial reaction is to scrunch up my face and hold my breath! Not relax my body and breath deeply. But man, when you practice it when you ARE feeling pain (like freaking cold hamburger meat on your back!!) it starts to make a lot of sense. When you let your body relax and think about a really vivid memory or idea...you kind of forget for a bit that there's something taking over your body. Not that labor will be as easy as a frozen lb. of meat...but at least it helps get the idea across :)

We'll get some pictures of the baby room one of these days and post them. Although it's more of a baby/study room at this point. That's how it goes with us young couples though!

Enjoy the coming weekend,
Amy

Window Fans

Ahh, window fans. They are making our life much more bearable in this humid Philly heat. Coming home after work our house is baking in the upper 80's. But once we open our windows and get those fans rolling, I don't feel as if I have to drink a gallon just to make up for all the water loss. It is crazy though how this heat has been affecting my prego body. Normally I down about 3 Nalgenes of water (each one beign 32 oz. for those not familiar with Nalgene-lingo :0) But these days I'm up to 6 at least, if not more. And I still feel constantly parched?! It's wild. All these body changes are just so nuts to me. My midwife said you gain almost 8lbs just in extra fluids...that being blood, extra water, amniotic fluid, etc...She even said you get more fluid in your eyes?! How weird is that?! Since I'm struggling to make the weight mark for 30 weeks, I'm guessing my fluids are lower, which is maybe why I'm parched all the time? Who knows.

So we're heading towards week 33, which means there are just 7 measley weeks from that point on. That is nothing! Where did the time go? Here's the latest belly shot we took this evening (can you tell it's humid in our house with that shiny face :0). The baby is definately getting bigger as my midwife exclaimed yesterday "Girl, you are all baby!" Meaning, it's just like someone stretched some skin over a baby and stuck it on my stomach. Which you can't tell very well from the picture, but in person, there's just this hard little rock stuck on my front. You can practically feel every body part - his knees, feet, butt, hands. There's just not much else there besides him these days. Because of that, I feel him moving ALL DAY LONG. Even when he's asleep I can feel him adjusting himself or rubbing a foot along my rib. It's absolutely wild how much he's grown in just the past couple weeks. I guess that's how it goes though. Wonder how much he'll pack on in the next couple of weeks. Hopefully enough to get me up to the 20lb mark!

We're settling back into our routine slowly but surely. Still trying to hang on to some of that "vacation mode" as we made mango/pineapple smoothies tonight. Mmm. This weekend we're planning out last big "outing" for just us two before the baby comes. I have my last day off on Monday for July 4th. We think we're going to go blueberry picking, maybe fly-fishing, and putter around a cute old PA town called "Peddler's Village" for their July 4th celebration. We're looking forward to being outdoors, enjoying each other, and taking an extended breather from our duties. Hope you all have a great weekend yourselves!

Beach 2005

Manly bonding...smoking stogies


Bad Dude - Papa Smith


The three sistas reunited!


Teenage sista doing her thang


Papa Hall deeply engrossed in a game of Bocce Ball

Back to PA

California trips to the Pacific, 1984

The Early Hall Beach Days...Callie & I in Hunting Island, SC 1986



Matthew and I finally made it home last night after a dead battery and one too many wrong turns. We fell into bed around 10pm and crashed...thankful for a Sunday to rest up instead of heading straight into the work week. We had a wonderful time all together as a family and incredible beach weather - low 70's with no humidity, perfect for sitting out in the sun. We played Bocce ball, boogie boarded, ate great food, watched some ridiculous movies, and just caught up on life together. I was able to read until my hearts content and do nothing but putter around all day. I felt totally spoiled for an entire week :0) ...just what the doctor ordered.

Now we're headed back into "real life". Matthew meets with World Harvest tomorrow to talk about job possibilities for the fall, which we're keeping our fingers crossed for. He would be working as a recruiter which would be SO perfect for him. The job does involve support-raising as a stateside missionary, but we're trusting that if God's opened all the doors up until that point, he'll provide for us financially as well. I'm heading back to my job and potentially hearing back from my bosses what they decided about my return from maternity leave. At this point, it's looking pretty grim that they're going to agree with my proposal to work from home a few days a week. So I may have to find a different part-time job come Novemeber when my maternity leave is up. Ugh. We're trying not to dwell too much on the "what-if's" and instead keep trusting that God will provide for us and knew he was bringing this baby into our lives and what changes that would entail.

We're both feeling a bit "vacation culture shock" heading back into our routine here, as most people do when they return from a week long break. But we're glad to see our friends again who we missed and be back in our church body who we love. We'll be hunkering down here for quite a stretch now. With just 8 weeks to go until the potential due date our travels won't take us far from home. I'm starting to feel the effects of the third trimester as my energy level is quickly declining and my sleep is growing more restless. The heat probably plays a roll in that as well, but we spend most of our time in our bedroom which has the one window a/c unit. We ate dinner in bed this evening :0)

Above are some of our vacation pics.

3 more days til FREEDOM!!

Yes, we are DEFINATELY ready for vacation. After last summer of working our booties off so we could move to Philly, we are more than eager to take a real vacation and have nothing to think about but what to eat that day and whether to boogie board or body surf...well, not me, but the rest of the fam. Hmm, I wondering if pregnant gals can boogie board? I hope we're not confined to just float on our backs in the waves :0) Matthew and I will head down to Charlottesville to meet my family this Thursday. Then we'll all load in the car and head down to Virginia Beach where a family has graciously lent us their beach home. My brother will now be able to join us as well, so it'll be the whole Hall clan. Callie, my sister, just returned from her 5 month studying-abroad in Costa Rica and has yet to see me and my slowly expanding belly. What a shocker!

Yesterday was my 30 week appointment with our midwife. She was listening to Brighton's heartbeat and poking him around at the same time which made his heartbeat get faster. She said it's because he gets excited when someone starts playing with him :0) Most babies turn around a lot but Brighton seems to be content to stay head down, which is awesome for us to hear, since we're still hoping to do the birth at that Birth Center and not at a hospital. She said his head is actually dropped into the pelvis already...which no, does not mean I'll deliver him any sooner...but yes, does mean he's getting ready with 10 weeks to go. His feet are nestled right under my ribs which explains the constant jabs. He's definately growing and is about the size of a loaf of bread now, she said. Although he still isn't sticking out much to the dissapointment of others :0) She showed me how my torso is just a lot longer than most (about two hand-widths as opposed to one-hand width of most gals)...so he's just growing up not out. So she said not to be disconcert by all the "You're too small!" comments...which were starting to stress me out a bit. Everything else looked good and HOPEFULLY we'll get to see him this Thursday (even though his head is hidden) during our ultrasound in C'ville.

The greatest news of the week...Matthew installed a window a/c unit in our bedroom last night thanks to my AWESOME PARENTS!!! They bought us one after staying with us last week and enduring the heat themselves. Last night it was 86 degrees in our house at 8pm. Ugh. I felt so dizzy and light-headed I couldn't do anything but sit on the bed and drink gallons of water. I slept harder than I had in weeks last night though thanks to the cool air and no birds to wake us at 4am. We had these creepy birds outside our window every night for the past few weeks that would start going berserk at 4pm and not shut up until morning. It was horrible. Either keep the window open to cool off and sleep with a pillow over your head to quiet the noise...or just shut the window and swelter. Now I told Matthew we're going to end up spending all our time our bedroom though after work. Probably we'll start eating dinner in there too...ha, ha ;0)

Well I'm not sure if we'll have internet at the beach. If we do, I'll try to update this with some pictures. Hope you all have a great week!

Meal for a friend

Just a shot from last week making a meal for one of our friends. Mom's "cherry cobbler" is always a sure-fire hit and SUPER easy! They're coming to stay with us tonight through Saturday while they're here with World Harvest. We're pumped to have them in our house staying with us together for the first time. Dad surprised us back in Colorado for Matthew's graduation last year, but Mom's never been able to stay with us yet. How weird the transition is to have your PARENTS staying at YOUR home?! Setting out sets of towels, making up a bed, cleaning the bathroom :0) It'll be fun though.

Next week we head to the BEACH! Woo-hoo! Matthew's never been on a beach vacation having grown up in the mountains of Colorado, so I think he's in for a nice surprise. All we Hall's do is eat, sleep and soak up the rays. Before that, we'll get to see Brighton again, thanks to a sweet lady in our church who is going to give us a free ultrasound. How different he'll look now at 30 weeks than he did back at 19 weeks! Probably more like a real baby! If we get some pictures, we'll be sure to post them.

So time is flyin'...we have about 10 weeks to go now. That is, until our "due date"...which doesn't mean much :0) Either way, it's getting close! You can see a better shot of my new belly on the Belly Shots page. It's still not what most would call a third trimester stomach, but it IS getting bigger, I promise!

More to come...

Back from VA

Matthew and I just got back last night from an awesome weekend visiting the Hall fam in VA. We hadn't seen them since February, so it was fun to just relax together and be able to share the "growing belly" and Brighton's kicks. We drove down early on Thursday to stay with my high school buddy and her husband in Harrisonburg. Then headed to C'ville on Friday to hang out with my little sister, Emily. Monday we took a road trip to Richmond to purchase Mom's birthday/Mother's Day/anniverary gift...an ipod AND a new Mac computer. Matthew was beside himself :0) He helped Mom learn how to get music on her new toy which she's already thoroughly enjoying. Dad said he came out this morning to find her still in bed just listening to her ipod :0) I have a feeling we won't be able to separate her from now on!

Today, we're back to the grindstone. Needless to say, we weren't too thrilled about heading back to work this morning. But another break is on the horizon. In two weeks we'll be headed to the beach with my family again. Ahhh, we are definately ready for that trip! And Matthew gets off even before then when he heads out to Arizona next weekend to visit his best friend. So I guess we can't complain now that we're headed into some serious summer vacation time.

Everything looked great at our midwife appointment last week. We're now going to start meeting with Barbara every two weeks since we've entered the third trimester. She can tell where he's laying and everything now. Next week she said he should be big enough where she can show us how to feel where he is at different points. I think I already can for the most part :0) We confirmed his feet WERE right under my ribs...explaining the sharp kicks I get when I try to bend over. He's growing like a weed these days. I feel more pressure when he pushes his head or butt around especially. Now I feel him moving pretty much all the time, even if he's asleep and just rolls over or something. A sweet lady in my church in Charlottesville who is a nurse offered to do an ultrasound for us in June when we come down to head to the beach! We are SO excited to be able to see him again!! And at 30 weeks he should look a bit different :0) And the best part is that my mom and sisters will be able to come as well to see the show! How fun.

So that's the latest from the Philly Smith's. Hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.

3rd Trimester

According to my midwife, I'm now entering my 3rd and final trimester. Of course, I keep hearing conflicting opinions on when the 3rd trimester actually starts, so I'm not sure who to believe. Either way, I can't believe there are only a few months to go now. Here's a pic we took today of the 27 week belly. Still carrying pretty low and small, but I'm getting more okay with that fact since I haven't had some of the annoying growing pains others are complaining of. No side cramps or back aches or anything...yet. I hear I should enjoy that while it lasts!! It's strange to me to look down and see a very distinct line where my stomach USED to start and now where the baby is stuck on! He's getting a lot more aggressive and jabbing his elbows or knees or feet into my ribs, which is a new strange feeling.

Yesterday we spent the day in New York City hanging out with some of Matthew's friends from England. It was a beautiful day, perfect for walking around the city and enjoying Central Park. We saw an amazing exhibit at the Whitney by Tim Hawkinson, who's actually a Christian artist. Check out his stuff at the Whitney website: http://www.whitney.org/exhibition/feat_hawk.shtml

So we can home pooped from walking all day long, but feeling oddly refreshed after being in the city and around so many different faces and cultures. We continue to feel pulled towards the city and the work God is doing there...even if a bit apprehensively. I'm realizing my own flesh-ness likes comfort and familiarity - not dirty smells and grundgy streets. But I'm also realizing how small my life quickly becomes when I'm not rubbing up against humanity in all it's different facets. Matthew reminded me yesterday as we walked how God changes our perspective...and continues to give us a heart of flesh in replace of our hearts of stone. As He calls us deeper into that lifestyle and mission, He'll gives us hearts that break for the city and the people that they're made of. That's a great resting place for me when I want to change myself...instead of just waiting to the Spirit to work.

We're looking forward to seeing my family for the first time in four months next weekend. It'll be great to just rest with them over Memorial Day weekend. My parents and sister that is. My other sister is still in Costa Rica, due back in June, and my brother is here in Philly, so we've been able to see him a few times here and there.

Enjoy the coming week. Hope you all get an extra-long weekend coming up with the holiday :0)

The WIld thing.

We just set up our crib in the baby room. I can't believe we are really going to have a baby. Just above the crib is a cover of a maurice sendak calendar. Sendak is the guy who wrote and illustrated "Where the Wild Things Are". I remember that book fondly, I hope our little boy will too.

Matthew

Subscribed?

If you are already subscribed to getting the latest dribble from Matthew & Amy, then you may have noticed the notifications about "new posts" from famdamily news or minismith had dropped off for awhile there. Have no fear blog readers, the problem has been solved.

If you aren't subscribed, but like to keep up with our witless blabbering :) then feel free to subscribe! Every time we write a new entry you get an email, no ads, your name goes on no lists, its kinda cool. Have a look at the bottom right of the blog for info.

Cheers Yall,

Matthew & Amy

Dreams

They say you have bizarre dreams when you're pregnant...so I knew I was in for it since I ALREADY had pretty weird dreams anyhow. I don't know what it is about being pregnant that heightens the intensity and vividness in your dream life, but if they could capture that in a drug form, it'd be the new bestseller cause MAN...my dream life is NUTS these days!

Last night BEFORE I fell asleep it became very clear to me that Brighton was in fact growing at an alarming rate. Those sweet little baby bumps in my belly are gone and are now replaced with full-fledged powerful KICKS! I just sat there in amazement staring at my stomach as it bounced all around...seriously, I couldn't believe how much activity was going on because of him! The feeling is getting more bizarre as the walls of the uterus get thinner and I can start to feel bony parts of his body banging around in there. I swore I felt his knee or foot gliding across a 4" section last night.

All that to say, the new experience of feeling literally rocked by his kicks turned into a pretty hilarious dream. I'm warning you though, it's weird so you can stop reading here if you get grossed out easily ;0) ...

So I dreamed Matthew and I were sitting there watching him kick when suddenly his foot literally came OUT of my stomach. We said "Aww, how cute, there's his foot" then we couldn't get it back in and we noticed his head was coming out of my stomach too?! So we called the hospital and headed over to the ER. The whole time I was so overcome with emotions at seeing our baby for the first time that I just kept talking to him and smiling and not really worrying that much. Then we got to the hospital and they just grabbed him out of my stomach and started wrapping him in packing tape?! Saying it would keep him warm?? Well he was panicking and screaming and so I started panicking and getting totally annoyed at the hospital staff. Then to keep him quiet they taped a pacifier into his mouth. Thankfully after that I woke up, but it all felt too real! Yeh, pretty strange. I warned you. I should start a whole different blog on my dreams...ha, ha. Every night it's some new story. A couple nights ago I dreamed I was a dolphin getting eaten by a shark and then I woke up in another dream and was interpretting THAT dream about how it related to being scared of birth. I know my friends are dying laughing now (especially those of you who've had to LIVE with me)...they know me and my bizarre dream life all too well :0)

NEW! Comments Section

Now you can actually post your comments straight on the blog (if you care to) instead of emailing me. Matthew got the Comment Section up and running which now appears at the end of each entry...so TRY IT OUT! I want to hear your crazy thoughts & musings too ;0) Also, check out the days left in this pregnancy...we're down to the double digits! 98 days to go!

The Master Minds at work...hopefully

The problem in our household is that we have too many creative juices flowing and not enough time to see them through. But this weekend, HOPEFULLY, we're going to attempt to get some of these household projects done that have been hanging over our heads since...well, some of them, since we moved here last August!

First project is to paint a ton of canvases we bought back in Fort Collins. They're small square canvases that we wanted to paint simply with different shades of a few colors. We have an enormously long hallway currently and thought those could brighten it up some.

The second project is to finish the 3-panel room divider we started a few weeks ago. After shopping around, the cheapest one we found was still around $100, so Matthew decided to make one himself. It looks pretty dang cool, I must say. We'll post a pic when it's done...then start taking mail orders from anyone interested...ha, ha :0) My part in the project is to actually sew the panels, since Matthew created the wood frame part. The first set-back was that I forgot how to wind a bobbin on my new sewing machine and had lost the manual in the move. Matthew tracked down Kenmore and ordered me a new one which just arrived yesterday. Ah, so we're back on track!

The third project was also waiting to be completed with the arrival of the sewing manual. We bought some cool fabric at IKEA to make a tablecloth and some cloth napkins, since we were tired of going through bags of paper napkins at meals, which never seemed to get dirty enough to throw away...but would be gross to save :0) Yeh, who would have guessed IKEA has fabric? It's relatively cheap and much cooler than the stuff you'd find at Joanne's Fabrics or something.

Anyhow, I think that's mostly it. With our party last weekend, we were forced to get the last of the boxes put away and the rest of our pictures hung up, so that's done. We had an AWESOME turnout, by the way. It was so great to see the mix of people from all our different walks of life here in Philly. What a fun crowd! Thanks to evveryone who showed up!!

So we'll see how "productive" this weekend actually turns out to be. Knowing us, we'll end up sleeping it away. Last Sunday we took TWO Mother's Day naps...one before lunch and a two hour one afterwards. Ahh, we like to make the most out of our "Day of Rest" ;0)

The beginnings of letting go

We've had great "plans" formulating about this birth coming up in August and how we want things to go, where we want to have our baby, who we want to deliver him, etc...etc... Ah yes, plans. Matthew and Amy are soooo good at formulating them down to the most minute detail. And VERY bad at letting them go...especially Amy :0)

Don't get me wrong, plans are great, but they rarely pan out how you expected. We of ALL people should have a pretty solid grasp on that concept by now...HA!

We've been going to a small birthing center owned by one midwife instead of doing the traditional OB office where you meet with a different doc each time. We have LOVED getting to know our midwife, sitting with her for over an hour at most appointments just talking about our fears and excitement about this pregnancy. We feel safe & comfortable with her and trust her to take good care of us when we head into our baby's "birth day" in a couple months. She knows where I'm at physically and emotionally with this pregnancy...both are key things when it comes to delivering a bambino.

So needless to say, we were a little worried when we got an email yesterday about the financial stress they're suddenly facing with the recent increased malpractice insurance costs in the city...and that they might have to close their doors as soon as this month.

Hmm, nice little birth plans. Possibly flying out the window. After going into Amy-default-mode and freaking out, Christ gently reminded me that this is just the beginning of letting go how I want this whole birth thing to pan out. There will be LOTS of unexpected turns, some good, some hard. But either way, we have no control over this situation. We can make lots of great "plans" but this natural thing will happen with it's own free will in most ways. There's a place Christ is calling Matthew and I to rest that has nothing to do with natural vs. epidural, birth center vs. hospital...He's calling us to once again, grab His hand and trust that He's the one in control of bringing little Brighton into the world and He'll take care of not only him, but of us in the process. Whether I deliver at our birth center or in a bright, noisy hospital...whether I get to experience natural childbirth or have to have some emergency procedure. Hmm, this makes me think there is A LOT to let go of...and this is just the start.

There's a lot I don't even realize I'm holding onto white-knuckled. More than just how I'll deliver...how I'll transition into being a mom, how I'll take care a of this little squeeling, helpless thing, how Matthew and I will connect after long, sleepless days/nights, how I'll juggle work & baby, etc...etc... If you can't tell by this point in the blog...I am a controlling maniac. I want everything figured out. T's crossed and i's dotted clearly BEFORE I move onto the next phase of life. If I haven't had that up until this point, I HIGHLY doubt becoming a Mom will make that any easier :0) Thank goodness Jesus loves to carry even crazy nut-cases like me and show us our junk, so we can realize even more just HOW MUCH we need Him!

Learning to let go...never an easy process. Always much easier when a marg is in hand, but alas, I'll have to wait for that until AFTER the baby is here :0)

Boy Meets Grill

The fish tacos were a raging success. Here's Mateo fryin up those deliciously marinated flaky white fillets. And who of all people randomly stopped by that night?! My brother, the original fish taco man...he must have smelled the fragrance wafting through Center City or something :0) We made some fresh salsa to go with them, that unfortunately stayed with us all night. I woke up thinking I must have sleep-walked into the kitchen for some of it in the middle of the night because I could still taste it this morning! Yuck.

Tonight was Girls Movie Night where we had three different kinds of ice cream and one total chic flick. It was fun to be with the gals and talk about babies and boys and food and life. Tomorrow the weekend is finally upon us. Hopefully Matthew and I can chill out before the big house-warming bash we're hosting on Saturday night. We've been WANTING to go see a movie in the actual theater for the past few weeks, but is it just me or have there been NO decent movies lately?! We can't seem to justify spending $18 to go see something lame. We might need to get more creative :0) If you have any ideas, please feel free to share!

Starting Month 6

Check out the new belly shot we took last night. I need to put the one of me in the black spandex (yikes!) because it is CRAZY looking at it compared to that 9 week shot of me. I literally had a belly transplant in just four months! I'll try and get that one up once Photobucket quites giving me a hard time (our online photo storage place). Anyhow, as of last Friday my midwife said we entered month 6 of this pregnancy...which can be confusing since the pregnancy lasts 40 weeks...so it's more like a 10 month deal than the whole 9 month thing. But it's crazy, none the less, how time is flying.

Brighton's growing bigger and making his presence more know. I can see him re-adjusting himself now and moving around...not just his kicks. The other night I saw one side of my stomach rise up and just stay there then slowly go back down and ripple over, as if he was rolling over or had just pushed himself up against the outside of my stomach. Our midwife says he's still small enough to push himself back and forth against the walls and spin himself around...that gave us a humorous visual image to laugh about :0)

Did we ever share the name on here? I can't remember? Matthew Brighton Smith will be his full name. Matthew, after his sexy dad ;0) and Brighton, was a name Matt found after doing a reversed name search by meaning first for "one who is loved". Then it brings up all the names that coorelate. Especially after this kiddo's first "appearance" back in December and us freaking out initially, we really wanted a name that expressed our love for it and not only being loved by his earthly parents but his Heavenly Dad as well. We went back and forth on a lot of names, but when Matthew found Brighton, we were both sold. It's been fun to have a name to call him instead of Elpon the rapper (random nickname given by my dad...there's a story behind it...I'll share if you email me and ask...he's a goofball :0).

So that's the latest with the babe. Other news...

For some reason I've been an a cooking kick lately. Maybe it's because I was too pooped to plan meals over the past month with getting sick and all. Or maybe it's realizing that most evenings, from now on, I won't be able to spend an hour or two in the kitchen creating yummy food. So I guess I'm eating it up for the time being. One of my FAVORITE dishes, cannelloni, finally made an entrance into our kitchen this week. The normal recipe is a three hour production of three different homemade sauces, a filling, and the noodles. But I figured out a way to cut that time down and still make a pretty dang good dish. Here's the recipe if you're interested in trying it out:

EASY Cannelloni

Cannelloni:
1 pk. Cannelloni tubes or lasagna noodles (I use spelt or wheat)

1 onion chopped
2 cloves garlic
1lb. ground beef
10 oz. spinach chopped
1 cont. low-fat cottage cheese
¼ tsp. Italian seasoning (or oregano, basil, parsley)
¼ c. grated parmesan

White Sauce:
1 ½ TBSP butter
1 ½ TBSP flour
1 1/2 c milk
¼ tsp. of both salt & pepper
1/3 c. grated parmesan

Topping:
1 jar spaghetti sauce (this is the easy part :0)

Directions:
1. Cook noodles as directed, then run under cool water, and set aside to be filled.
2. Brown meat and drain grease. Saute onion & garlic with dash of oliveoil. Add
spinach & sauté. Remove from heat. Add cottage cheese, seasonings, & parmesan.
3. Melt butter over low heat. Whisk in flour, then add milk increasing heat to high & bringing
to a boil, constantly stirring. Reduce to simmer for 2 minutes. Remove from heat & whisk in s/p
and parmesan.
4. Pour 1/2 of spaghetti sauce on the bottom of 9x13 dish. Stuff the cannelloni tubes or if using lasagna noodles, cut in half and roll spinach/beef stuffing inside. Place the noodles tightly side by side in the baking dish. Pour the remaining spaghetti sauce over the top of the noodles. Then pour the white sauce on top.
4. Cook at 425 for 20-25 min.

I just use one big saute skillet and wash it after I do the stuffing to make the white sauce. That keeps the dirty-pan sink level lower. These are good served with a baked sweet potato and garlic parm. green beans (Saute some garlic in a little olive oil and butter over medium heat, then add a pound of fresh green beans and a dash of white wine. Cook & stir for 10 min. while the cannelloni do their thing then toss with some SHREDDED parm cheese)

Tonight we're making my brother John's famous fish tacos with some homemade salsa. And then watch...next week we'll have peanut butter and jelly every night...ha, ha. These days I've gotta run with whatever fetish is happening cause most likely the energy & desire is shot after a couple days!

New Smith Home...

Check out our new place on the famdamily blog! We finally posted the pictures so you can peruse until your hearts content. Just go click on the famdamily link (bottom right hand side of this screen), then select Famdamily Photos, then click on Our House "McCallum St". Let us know what you think!

We'll get another belly shot this week, since these days I seem to wake up with a new stomach each morning :0) FINALLY since today marks my entrance into the sixth month, per my midwife...yeesh, where is the time going?!

We're looking forward to a packed weekend, with Schmitters at McNalleys tonight...YUM! A friends b-day celebration in the city on Saturday evening. And then Sunday, heading to the Sixer's Play-Off game. Not that I'm a Sixer's fan...we just got court-side tickets and a parking pass from the guys here at my work for "Administrative Professionals Day". Not that I've EVER celebrated that before, even though I guess I've been an "admin prof" for three years now...ha, ha! It's nice to get spoiled every now and then though.

My parent's are off to St. Thomas today with a some of their friends today and my sister, Callie, is still in Costa Rica. So my other siblings and I wait expectantly for our own beach trip in June. Which won't seem to come quick enough! Matthew and I will get a "semi-vacation" over Memorial Day weekend when we head down to visit my family for a 5-day trip. We always like that drive and enjoy the 'Ville in the spring time.

Hope everyone enjoys their coming weekend as well!

Burgers n' Sweet Tea

Yesterday we had my brother and some South Carolinian friends over for a modified cold-weather-cookout. Well, Matthew was the only one who braved the weather to cook the burgers while the rest of us waited inside and drank our good ol' SWEET southern tea. It was fun to carry on the tradition of Sunday meals with friends. Now that we're closer to our church, maybe we can do more of that.

The rest of the weekend was nice and chilled out. We finally got our DSL up and running at our house (Woo-hoo!) and got some pictures of our place that we'll put on the famdamily blog sometime this week. I had a scare last week with some pretty intense headaches and loosing my eye sight at times on Wednesday. My midwife sent me to the doctor to rule out pre-eclampsia (a random pregnancy issue that some women have...not QUITE sure what it is, but I know it's not good). Well they did rule that out and guessed that it was probably just migraines. So that was the "good" news...even though there isn't a great solution to getting rid of them. Today one hit so hard my eyes started watering...weird.

And the babe is definately getting stronger...working on those soccer legs (to take after his "Aunt" Amberleigh :0) Last night laying in bed he started kicking up a storm, which was so much fun for Matthew since he hadn't felt that many kicks and such forceful ones yet! We sat there and watched my stomach bounce as he rolled around and flailed his arms & legs. It's so surreal to see that and know it's a person doing that who's living inside me and not just my stomach growling or some muscle spasming. Yes, we continue to be in awe of this whole process of God fusing genes into a whole new person and soul!

Mmm, and if anyone is a mexican food buff, we found an AWESOME recipe for green enchiladas with...get this...cottage cheese?! Sounds sketchy, but holy mole, they were incredible! Ask birthday girl, Mary O (if you know her :0)...they were her bday meal at our house this past week. It was a random recipe we played around with to suit our tastes and they definately worked!! If you want it, feel free to email me: amy@artiswork.org.

Here he comes!!

...he's starting to push his way OUT, instead of UP, in his mom's belly! We'll be headed into the last month of the second trimester in just under two weeks. Right now I'm in week 22, moving towards week 23. I can't believe all this seems to be going so fast...and yet slow, at the same time!? I guess that's like all of life though. You're tired of days that drag on, but constantly want to go back to those "past moments" that seemed to fly by. We're enjoying this stage of finally having a visual reminder of this change to come and our little boy growing. Matthew & I were able to rest a ton and sleep, sleep, sleep over the weekend and are both starting to feel our strength restored. This incredible 80 degree weather really helps aid in that as well :0) Hope the spring is treating you ALL well!

thoughts from a frustrated momma

I was just talking to my best bud from high school and having to postpone her trip up here to visit because I've been feeling so poopy. I had a pregnancy scare/issue that kept me in bed all weekend and has persited throughout the week. It's made me realize what a controlling person I am, in regards to myself and what I "should" be able to manage.

When I was 6 years old I was obsessed with re-arranging my room. I would push around my huge mahoganey double bed and 5ft. dresser. A scrawny 6 year old! Each time I'd get punished, but each time after that, I'd think Mom would be SO impressed by how amazing my re-organized room would look that she wouldn't care if I permanently damaged my 6 year old back and our hardwood floors :0) Now, being a young, active, healthly gal I'm used to being able to handle anything. I could always bounce back from sickness or fatigue and could push myself physically (like when moving apartments or cleaning, etc...) Now I feel as if I have to take everything extra slow and constantly refrain from wanting to push myself. Lifting weights now makes me sweat and makes my heart race, which never happened before. And my runs have turned into, run-walk-run-walk-run-walk...argh. I have to wait for Matthew to move a big box for me or come home and rest before starting dinner or do things that just DON'T fit with my schedule for the day...I know you all are laughing, especially my friends who know how Type A I am :0) And yes, in my MIND it makes sense that I'm pregnant and my body is working overtime anyway (what you all are thinking...or wanting to scream at me :0), but I can't reconcile that with my emotions that feel like I'm constantly "sick" or something.

So after getting off the phone with my friend dissappointed, I began to think of how good this time probably is for me. In that not-so-fun refining way. Because I am forced, in a way I've never been before, to slow down, to toss the "schedule" out the window, to sit and read when I want to unpack or organize, and to accept my "weakness" in a new way. There are lots of layers to that, but one branch of that is that I think talking about weakness for me is easy but BEING weak is not. I talk about weakness being so good for us and such a learning lesson (hear my sappy sarcasm?) but I run from it as fast as I can...now I can't waddle fast enough to get away from it. I HAVE to depend on other people. I HAVE to let go of my plans. I HAVE to find life in Christ and not in being capable or on top of life. Yuck. I hate learning lessons.

Especially when they reveal layers of junk in my heart that I've carefully grown and tended all these years. I think "No, this is how I cope with life. I can't let that go or let it be "pruned away"! I HAVE to be efficient and independent and capabale to function properly! I can't go around depending on people all the time or letting the dishes sit in the sink for over 5.63 seconds!" Hmm...is that really TRUTH or is it just the paradigm I've lived with for so long that moving away from it feels like taking on a whole new religion or something? That's what the world tells me - be hip-young-capable-superMom! Don't let that pregnancy drag you down! Eat right, exercise, keep working hard, don't stop! That's what I hear, that's what I WANT to be/do...but I think it's a far reach from what I'm called to be as a daughter of Christ. Dependant on HIM, not on myself. Resting in HIM, not in getting the house cleaned or dinner made. Letting things go and knowing that it's not only good for me, but for our little baby as well.

As always, I have a lot more to learn than I ever think. This pregnancy has been good for me in more ways that I would have expected. But those thoughts are just ONE aspect of this pregnancy that I thought I should share and not just all the fun things. Like anything in life, pregnancy is a process of good days and hard days. It's real life like any other stage we go through. I typed in my journal this morning, that even in the hard days of pregnancy, I'm constantly amazed at the miracle of it. Seeing my stomach bounce as baby Smith kicks will never cease to amaze me. That there's this little person in there. A real soul that will live for eternity!? I think I thanked Christ for the first time for this gift to be able to carry this little boy. I just hadn't thought to thank Him before. But wow, it is SUCH a gift to be so intimately invovled in this process of a life being created.

Thanks for listening and bearing with my Type A ways of thinking...especially you mothers who are burning to shake me and tell me to LET GO ;0) Christ is in the process of working through my thick skull!

Spring is FINALLY here

Soakin' up the rays. Matthew and I made ourselves s-l-o-w d-o-w-n yesterday afternoon after racing around for the past, almost 2 weeks...if not more. We let the dinner get cold and decided to instead enjoy this new Philly sunshine (and Matthew a beer...I WISH it was mine!) that we haven't seen for months it seems! We're enjoying our new home and cozy little yard and starting this next phase in our lives. Now having a "baby room" really makes us feel like this journey into parenthood is coming soon! And the little active punk reminds me of that daily. Right now I can literally SEE him kicking around in my stomach. It looks like my stomach has it's own heartbeat...in a dozen different spots! He's not one to stay put. I think he's enjoying this freedom to float around, before he grows too big to "play" much. At 21 weeks, he's about 8 inches long and almost a pound. Not too much longer before he has to stay put...at least somewhat. We also finally posted the "20 week" shot on the belly shots page, although it's a bit fuzzy. We're going to try to take some more fun ones, in normal clothes and all, as soon as you can tell I'm prego in normal clothes...which might be a few more weeks in my case. We'll be on to month 6 at the end of next week...woah! Hope you all are enjoying the beautiful weather in your various parts of the country. Besides our Colorado folk who just got dumped with 10 inches of snow?! Hmm, this might be the first time we were glad, weather-wise, that we weren't in Colorado :0)

First Pictures!

Finally...here are the ultrasound pictures! As you know, ultrasound pictures tend to be confusing and even freaky for the most part...but they're also pretty amazing when you consider that little body/skeleton/soul is a person growing inside MY BELLY!? Here are the first ones of our little boy. You have to lean your head sideways to the right to get the idea. It's a sideways shot of him. The head on the right hand side and the body stretched out to the left and his little hand "waving" at the top. You can see his eyes, mouth and everything if you look really hard :0)





Then this shot is a little weird (kinda creepy, in my opinion :0) but it shows his hands, which are so cool. The nurse said he was stretching out all his fingers, which is pretty unusual since they usually keep them balled up in a fist.



Crazy, isn't it!?! That's our baby boy! There were some others, but I thought that'd be enough to share for now. My belly shot is still on our digital camera so we'll try and post that one of these days. Enjoy the coming weekend everyone! Love, A&M

Pictures Coming

Sorry for the delay with the ultrasound pictures (and no, that's not our ultrasound pic two posts below...that's a random 19 week baby from some baby book :0). Moving has slowed us down a bit and last night we just pulled out the scanner and set it up. We also took another belly shot that we'll upload this week, although it's not too exciting. Still not much growth on the outside, even though there's a 1 pound little boy floating around inside!

We're finally getting semi-settled in our new place after a whirlwind unpacking session this weekend. I'd say we definately overworked ourselves on Saturday, which ended in random tears for me as we left IKEA at 9pm that night. But our place is coming together, which feels great. Once we get the last boxes out of site, we'll take some pictures for the famdamily site for you all to check out. It's SO great to be near our friends...especially my two other pregnant friends, now less than a mile away.

Last night we began organizing the "nursury/office" room that was freshly painted by our landlord. It was purple-pink and now is a nice soft tan...whew! Thankfully! I didn't think we could handle the purple for long! It was so crazy to unpack some little boy clothes we've already received from people and put them in his soon-to-be dresser/changing table. Wow, all these little steps are making this life-change a solidified reality. We've been so blessed to receive many much-needed baby things already - a newer hand-me-down crib, a dresser, some clothing items. What a gift for our meager budget that wasn't fully prepared for this "surprise" boy back in December :0) We're amazed at how God keeps providing and reminding us that this is HIS story where HE is the Provider & Author...not us. We recently registered for the other things we'll need, which was so much fun now knowing that it'll be a BOY!

So stayed tuned for pictures HOPEFULLY to come this week. Much love to you all!

Our little boy!!

We just got back from our ultrasound yesterday morning and are excited to announce that we'll be having a healthy little boy! Our technician got a few "great shots" and said he wasn't a very shy one :0) It was so amazing to see him moving all around, playing with his fingers, kicking around his feet. This tiny little 12 oz. boy inside me!?! We were in awe the whole time and couldn't tear our eyes away from the monitor. All the measurements looked great and he seems to be active and healthy. Kindly placing his head on my bladder...hence the frequent bathroom trips, I realized. We'll post one of the pictures we got once we unpack our scanner (yes, we moved this Saturday as well!) so stay tuned. She got a great one of his face looking at the monitor and his hand looking like it's waving :0) One of the best parts was that Matthew got to feel him kick for the first time right before we went in! Maybe it was all the OJ I had drunk that morning or maybe he just wanted his Dad to know he was excited to "show himself off" for the first time to his parents :0) Either way, that was fun for Matthew and for me.

So it was quite an eventful Easter weekend. With our big move into the city on Saturday, Easter Sunday with friends, our ultrasound Monday morning and Matthew securing a new job with an art handling company only a few blocks from our house! We feel overwhelmed with all these gifts from our Father...who never fails to provide, we just forget often that He does. We have a new home number, new cell phone numbers and a new address for anyone interested. Just email me at amyclaire@myway.com and I can pass that info along.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend yourselves. Stay posted for the ultrasound picture of our boy! How weird is THAT to say?!? Much love, Amy

First Signs of Restlessness!

Well that's what our kiddo is looking like this week...plus or minus those certain private parts...which HOPEFULLY we'll find out this Monday at our ultrasound. As you can tell, those legs are getting lanky and are starting to move around. And last night I felt it!! Matthew and I were just laying in bed talking when I felt an odd tap in my lower belly. It weirded me out since I'd heard that you usually feel flutterings or bubbles or something before kicks but this was as if someone was flicking me with their finger inside! I put my hand down there and felt it again!! It was the slightest little bumping, but so different than other gassy or bloated feelings I'd been having!! I grab Matthew's hand to see if the baby would tease us again...but it didn't...of course :0) WHAT A WILD FEELING!! Guess s/he liked the Whopper Jr. we picked up at 10:30pm after leaving our Home Group and having a starve-attack. Mmm, nothing like grease & fat to get the baby moving, right?! So all these little steps along the way are reminding us that there's really a person growing inside me. Even if we can't see their physical presence yet! We'll keep you posted on how things go next Monday morning.

Slow Growth

Today I am 18 weeks along. Two weeks shy of starting my 5th month...and I'm afraid I don't have much to show for it. A lot of the past few weeks of "growth" has been some legitimate growth, but mostly just being bloated and gassy. Sorry, TMI, I know. Though my selection of pants has slimmed down I'm still fitting into my jeans and cords. No one could tell I was pregnant at this point, besides Matthew and I of course. This week has given me a little more to hope for as the area right below my belly button is slightly sticking out. That gives me hope that one of these mornings I'll wake up with a real baby belly and it's not all an allusion in my head :0)

We're about 10 days away from our big ultrasound and praying that Jesus is keeping this little baby safe and healthy. At about 6 inches today, it should be even bigger by that point and hopefully photogenic enough to post those pictures on here so you can see it's first portrait! Woo-hoo!

Today we take the train into the city to hear my favorite bluegrass band, Old Crow Medicine Show, give a free live radio concert at the World Cafe. If you get the World Cafe (usually in the 80's on your radio dile...xpn.org) tune in at noon and you'll hear some hootin' n' hollerin' from Matthew & I :0)

Hope you all enjoy the weekend and the coming of spring on Sunday! All here in Philly....don't forget, Rita's gives away free regulars that day!! Ahh, who could survive a summer without Philly water ice?!

Way to go Allison!

Our partners-in-crime during our last few months in Colorado (before they headed back to sunny CA and we headed to chilly PA) just had their first kiddo on March 4th. Welcome little Emersen! Isn't he beautiful!? Now we have some role models to call in the wee hours of September nights when we don't know WHAT to do with our newest family member...ha, ha ;0) We're so excited for them and wanted to show you their cute boy. We're busy this week trying to get Matthew better from a nasty cold that won't go away and enjoying hosting one of Matthew's buds from Colorado. This is our big packing weekend as we head to our new home NEXT weekend and celebrate with a Birthday(my 25th)/House-Warming potluck the NEXT weekend...busy weels ahead! We're getting anxious for our ultrasound in two weeks and my "halfway mark" appointment with the midwife during my 20th week. I'm hoping by then I might have at least SOMEWHAT of a pregnant belly. Not much has changed since the last posted picture. I know, I know...I'll be so sick of being big by August I'll regret ever saying anything. But I'm ready to put on some bulk here at 17 weeks!

Getting My Greens

So I haven't been able to eat anything green in awhile which I doubt is very helpful for the little bambino. I decided the other night I was going to MAKE myself eat something green, even if I had to force it down. I thought I had a brilliant idea...I would puree a box of frozen spinach and just drink it. Sounds pretty easy, right? Just like holding your nose and drinking your medicine when you were a kid. Well, if you've ever pureed a vegetable, you know it doesn't exactly liquify...it more "sauce"ifies. I tried drinking the thick mush but practically threw it back up just by the consistency of it. I was making shrimp marinara, so Matthew suggested I just add the pureed spinach to that. Mmm, above is our creation. Not exactly appetizing for a queasy pregnant gal. But eating it the dark, watching a movie seemed to help some. Thankfully this past week, I've been able to start eating my spinach salad again...hopefully no more pureed spinach will enter our kitchen again. Our latest exciting news is that we just found an awesome apartment near my other two pregnant friends down in the city. So we'll all be having our new babies within a month of each other and be less than a mile apart! Great news anticipating this transition to working from home. God is good and is providing in ways for us we NEVER expected...from a wonderful home, to friends partnering with us in this journey!

Bizarre Dreams

I'm not sure how many of you gals who've been pregnant before have experienced this random side effect, but I have been having the most BIZARRE and vivid dreams since I've been pregnant! I won't go into ALL the details since they might give YOU weird dreams, but last nights was hilarious...I dreamed that I was at my normal monthly check-up when my midwife asked me to go ahead and deliver the baby so we could make sure everything was okay. So I did, and we both held the baby, checked it's heartbeat, etc...Then she said "Okay, time to go back in!" So I said "Bye little guy, see you in a few months" and popped it back in. Weird! The funny thing was that we couldn't figure out if it was a boy or girl yet. Hadn't quite GROWN those parts yet...ha, ha. So no revelation in my dream of what we're having! But we did schedule our 19 week ultrasound for the end of March. Who knows if they'll be able to find anything out or if we'll have a "private baby" who keeps it's legs tight :0) We're heard dissappointing stories about that, so we're trying not to get our hopes up too high about finding out if it's a boy or girl. But if the technician can tell, we want to know. We'll be sure to keep you all posted.

Heartbeat!

As amazing as everyone told us it would be...it was even wilder. We called our widwife right before we left for Colorado to see if she'd stay a few minutes late at work so we could try to hear the heartbeat again. With another two weeks under my belt, the baby was high enough to be heard this time. When the doppler hit the rapid little heartbeat, she said "That's your baby, guys!" We were literally speachless. I was thinking, "Dang, there really IS something alive in there?!" It was an awesome thing to hear. So then we headed off to Colorado early, early the next morning and ended up having a great time with family & friends there. It was so breath-taking to see the mountains again and all the open space and the hugeness of the sky. Especially after being in a cramped city! We enjoyed sunshine and mid-40 to 50 degree weather the whole time. Much different than the cold Northeast as we face 6-9 more inches of snow today here in Philly. But even in the midst of the beauty and comfort of Colorado, we were both really reminded of where we feel called, which as of now, is to the city of Philadelphia. The things we love about the city would never be found in a town like Fort Collins. The culture, the diversity, being stretched in ways we'd never anticipate. It was a wonderful break to be in Fort Collins, but at the same time, it was great to come back and be with our friends last night and realize that this is our home and our family's calling for the time being. But our travels are not yet over! Tomorrow we leave for Charlottesville for a fast two day trip, so we'll need your prayers to be spared from exhaustion and sickness - which always seems to attached when you're rushed and pooped! Stayed tuned for an updated pic...it's starting to grow...

New Pics!

Sorry it's taken us so long to get these on. They're actually from a few weeks ago, so we're hoping to get a more recent one with me now nearing 14 weeks. I think you'll get a kick out of them though, so it's worth a look. Tomorrow morning, we wake up at an ungodly hour, get driven to the train station by a faithful friend (willing to rise at 5am to get us there!) and head to the airport for our early flight out to Colorado. We're trying to prepare our hearts in the little ways like spending our last evening here with our awesome friends at Home Group fellowshipping and enjoying being apart of a community. And for me, joining the Women's Fly Fishing Association again here in Philly and planning a trip for Matthew and I when we return, to go explore the mild rivers of the east...compared to the unbelievably beautiful rivers of Colorado. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I think we'll grow to love our little secret fishing spots here once we give them a chance. In April I'm heading to a "Casting Tune-up" workshop with the ladies...which will be interesting to see my belly stuffed into my fishing waders. Thankfully, they're pretty forgiving and roomy! These are the little things we're doing to continue to make our home and life here now, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt to be surrounded by so many familiar faces, loving embraces and the mountains of Colorado! Especially for Matthew. We'd love your prayers this weekend...that we'll just relax, enjoy our friends and family, and come home refreshed. We'll post some pictures from our adventures when we return...since we know that's all anyone cares about anyhow...just kiddin' Love to all you crazy folk!

Pappa Sneeks One In

Well so far, this has been Amy's page to share about her pregnancy, but I thought I would sneek a little post in here, while she wasn't looking. The last three months have been really nuts for both of us. It keeps getting nuttier each day. Today though, our friend Maria came in with her two boys, and the honest prognosis that she is feeling terrible (she is in the midst of her own morning sickness - pregnant with their third kiddo!), and for me, seeing those two boys, whom I am really growing fond of, lent to a growing longing to see our hidden one soon. It's almost like I miss our little baby, even though they haven't been born yet. The thoughts just get silly and gooey from there. I have no idea what fatherhood will do to me, but I have a feeling I am going to be rocked. Amy, thanks for bearing our wee joy, in your wee body. I love you. M

The Pooch

As tiny as this little kiddo is, it's still making my insides stretch and groan and expand. I'm feeling ALL kinds of weird things going on. Sharp pains from ligaments stretching, dull aches in my lower back, and the worst of all, my selection of pants to wear to work quickly decreasing as the lower stomach muscles push out. Well, the clothes SELECTION isn't whats worst of all, it's this in between time of a month or two when you're not big enough (or desirious enough) to wear maternity clothes but all your pants are getting a wee bit too tight and uncomfortable. So I want to live in my fleece pants...or just sit with my pants unbuttoned all day...which doesn't vibe with working in an office of 7 men. Thus the reality of this pregnancy is now becoming visable...well, at least to me and Matthew. No one else will probably be able to tell for another two months. Then the pooch will morph into the basketball belly that I hear most girls like me have. Yeay, haven't you gals always wanted a basketball for a belly? Yeesh. So that's the latest prego news for those of you who were asking. Other than that, we've got a busy few weeks ahead. Laurel, Matthew's sister, is flying in tonight to visit with us over the weekend. We're pumped to see her since it's been WAY too long (since the wedding!) Then next weekend, we fly to Fort Collins for another long overdue visit with our friends and family out there. We're desparately trying to prepare ourselves for the beauty and stark contrast to this city of Philly. But we feel like we're in one of the better spots to return to Colorado, knowing this is now our home and our community...but it'll still be tough. I only lived there for a year, but the long stretches of road, open valleys and incredible mountains made a little place in my heart that aches every now and then. For Matthew, this is only intensified a hundred fold having been born and raised in that beautiful part of the country. After that trip, we're heading down to Charlottesville to celebrate sister Em's birthday. Then I'll be on to month 4 of this pregnancy! Hopefully we won't be moving that next week, but it all depends on the latest details in the scale right now. There are two prospective gals looking at our place as we're looking at moving into the city. That in itself holds a whole host of emotions for us. Struggling with where we feel called and the community God is providing there versus the drastically different way of life in that specific area of the city and moving onto a street where we are the minority and drug houses and crime are fairly common. Odd, since three streets down, that doesn't seem to be the case. That's the city for you though! Safety, comfort...all that must be left in Christ's hands if we take this step of faith and move into an "unknown world", in one sense. Please keep us in your prayers these next few weeks as we wrestle with that. Especially myself, thinking of being home alone most of the day and wanting to move out and love our neighbors and the community we'd become apart of...not stay a prisoner of fear in my home. Christ wants to change my heart and expand it and grow in me a new love for the brokeness of people around me, because that's what He was about. I'd much rather stay self-centered, comfort-centered, easy-life centered, than move into the life of others...even my husband's at times?! Much less strangers!?! I'm a wholed-up, self-focused mess without Christ constantly rubbing my stony, cold heart into a warm, beating heart of flesh that loves and lives outside of the "normalcy" of social rules or levels of comfort I've constructed in my safe little paradigm. PRAY FOR ME FRIENDS!

Grade-school Lime Babies

We just got back from an awesome weekend with our church, Liberti (check it out: www.liberti.org) and are feeling excited about taking the jump to get involved and commitment. One of those steps is moving closer to the city, the community, the brokeness. We were planning on moving in the fall when our lease is up, but Baby Smith decided to come along right at the same time, now forcing us to decide whether we head out before our lease is up or wait another year until s/he is sleeping enough to help us make a sane move. The only issue now is trying to get out of our lease and get our security deposit back so we can use it for the next place we might rent. Our landlord is awesome, but the owner of our home lives in Flordia and seems to be a stickler for rules. Subleasing is out of the question, so the only other possibility is if a former tentant would take over our lease, and this Friday there will be one coming to look at our place! So please pray that God will orchestrate this...and not our worrying, fretting, and "solving" in our own heads. We're looking to move into an area closer to our home group with the church and a group of friends we've gotten to know. One of the couples just found out they too were pregnant, which would be fun when we're both bored at home to be just a few blocks from each other! So also pray as we go look at rentals this weekend, that God will open the doors to a perfect place. As for baby update, we had our 12 week appointment yesterday, but unfortunately couldn't hear the heartbeat because my uterus is tilted back and still hasn't fully risen above the pelvic bone (sorry, if there are guys reading this who'd prefer not to hear ALL the details!). We did hear it moving around, per the widwife...although it just sounded like random blast of wind to me over the doppler. We're going to go in again next week when I'm another week along to try again. The little kiddo is about 2.5 inches...the size of a "large lime" my widwife said. I thought that was humorous since we had "Lime Babies" when we were in grade school. Some of you all might have done it with eggs...I guess our teacher didn't trust us and we did it with limes. But you have to carry it with you and take it everywhere as if it's your "baby", to show you what a big responsibility it is. I let mine rot in my locker. Hope that's not foreshadowing of the type of mom I'll be!

WOAH! 11 weeks today!!

Sometimes the idea of having a baby seems hilarious to me and more like a thing I'm talking about, but not something that's really happening to my body. Or soon to be happening to my life. I still feel like I should be running around the dorms dressed in a ridiculous "Dress N' Go Freak Show" outfit or throwing my roomate's bra out of fifth floor window...only to have it snagged on the wall right next the a second floor guys room (forgive me April?), but definitely, DEFINITELY not about to be a mom or responsible for someone else's very LIFE. Now I'm at 11 weeks and about to move into the last week of my first trimester...and on to number two, when most people say the reality of all this really settles in. I'm super thankful for all these months just to think about this and that I didn't just have a baby plopped in my lap the minute I found out I was pregnant. I think a lot of other gals agree with that. I wonder when that "Mom switch" happens. When you stop felling like a carefree, goofy girl and instead feel like a mature, responsible adult rearing a child. I'm sure other mom's reading this are laughing and thinking..."Um, did I ever make that switch?" Maybe it doesn't happen. Maybe you always feel a little unprepared and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants when it comes to growing up, becoming a mom, raising kids. I guess that's more appealing because then you don't feel like you loose yourself to some clone of a TV Land Mom and get to be yourself...just with permanent friends, those little kiddos to hang out with! But I also guess, like any other stage in your life, there are changes - both good and bad - and you just keep growing and learning to lean on Christ more...instead of your ideals for what you SHOULD look like, act like, feel, think, and so on. I'd rather conquer life and these changes and come out through it all dazzingly and to the awe and adoration of everyone...much more than just grab Christ's hand, let him lead me, get beat up by life at times, ask others for their help and prayers, and partner with the rest of the human race in needing each other and being weak as we face the ups and downs of life. Why do we all want to get it figured out so badly? So we can be envied? Instead of really being related to and loved by people who are in the same boat? Why do we want to be the one everyone is jealous of instead of the one who is a partner and friend because they KNOW what you're going through and what it's like to struggle with life? Just a thought I often come back to as I wonder why I want so badly to figure all this motherhood stuff out. Or figure anything out, for that matter. I struggle with really not wanting to need anyone and to have my act together. But those are the very people I can't stand to be around! People who look like they have everything together and are just so perky and HAPPY with life. I want to shake them and say DON'T YOU JUST HATE LIFE SOMETIMES? DON'T YOU STRUGGLE AT ALL? But I see that in myself and this desire to come across as together and with-it, when inside I may be scared poopless about life or irritated with my circumstances. In reality, I'd SO much rather be related to and loved because I was broken like the rest of the team, instead of standing lonely in my "life is great" stance. Just a thought though. I'd love to hear your feedback. What kind of person do you feel like most of the time? What kind of people do you relate to best? Why? Hope you all have a great weekend.

Yeh...she's crazy

If you asked one of my friends, she'd probably say I'm a pretty "emotionless" person, at least when it comes to crying. I was never the person to cry at the movies or over a book I was reading. Well these days, I don't know WHO has taken over my body, but majority of the time I feel like I'm wavering between insanity and well, partial insanity...My emotions, and MOOD for that matter, is all over the map...and it's highly annoying. I will be perfectly fine one minute, then the next I'm completely loosing it. It can be something as simple as not being able to get a jar open to realizing I purchased plane tickets for the wrong return date from Fort Collins. I seem to have lost all my problem-solving skills and resort to panic and "I-can't-go-on-anymore" feelings. A bit dramatic? Hmm, I would say more hard-core going-to-Hollywood type dramatics. Poor Matthew :0) He is being a trooper and loving me in spite of feeling like he's walking on eggshells some days. This morning, after my panic attack about the tickets, he emailed me this...a reminder of WHO I belong to this morning, even in this state of being snotty, panicky, whiny, etc...he writes describing a picture of Christ delighting in my THIS morning and ends by saying, "This is our God. This is our Father. He is OURS, and more importantly WE ARE HIS. WE BELONG TO HIM, on earth he fights for us because we are in the "not yet", but never forget, or better yet, always remember, that in the "already" WE ARE UTTERLY OWNED BY GOD. Keep this in your heart all day. This should be the glasses you wear today. Put this truth on, and see through it. As Christ is also breaking the blindness from my eyes, I love My Bride being refined in pools of Christ's warming healing blood, blood shed for her." That is the reminder I need daily, or rather HOURLY lately with these roller coaster emotions and mood swings. I want to hate myself for being out of control. Christ wants to scoop me up and show me how much love he has to pour out on me TODAY, in this very hour. What a mystery to my proud, self-efficient heart!!

Subscription Working Again

Sorry about the complications yesterday with subscribing to this blog. It decided to go funky on us right when we posted this for everyone. But my personal computer genius, Matthew, fixed it so you can now subscribe to the blog again...just head to the bottom of this page. Also, thanks for link suggestions! If anyone else comes across fun baby links (info, pictures, fun toys or stores)just let us know and we'll add them to the Link list.

Spring Fever

My sister, Callie, who's studying abroad in Costa Rica this semester just emailed. They've been to beaches and rain forests and dance clubs...all in just one week! After looking outside my window at work at the foot of snow, I have to admit I'm jealous...and the spring fever is hitting me a little too early this year. I'm ready for the sun and warmth that accompanies it!...Our heat has only been working on and off since the weekend. It'll be plugging along fine and dandy, then suddenly Matthew and I feel the cold creeping in. Argh, the breaker tripped again! It just won't stay put which has left us shivering in our bed halfway through the night. Then braving the frigid house in the morning getting ready for work. Last night our landlord brought us a space heater for our room until he could get to fixing the problem. That actually did wonders. I know in the hot/bulging months ahead I will be WISHING for as much coolness as possible, pining away for a frigid house...so I guess I shouldn't complain. Hope you all enjoyed the pictures. Some sillier ones are on the way. Stay warm & toasty!

want to know when something new is posted?

I know you don't want to check this every now and then only to find I've been lazy and haven't posted a thing. Well, there's a solution to that dilemma...you can now subscribe to the Baby Blog! So anytime I add recent updates, you'll get an email in your inbox saying somthing along the lines of there being a new post on the blog site. I'm not exactly sure what it'll say, so you might want to check your junk mail box a few times after you subscribe to make sure it didn't go there. Just a suggestion though. I know you're probably sick of subscribing to different newsletters, etc... We just thought it be nice for those of you who check back often. You can subscribe at the bottom of this page (in the box that says "Subscribe"...tricky ;0)

the baby blog is here

For those of you who have asked for updates and are interested in the latest with the "mini smith", we thought we'd come up with this easy way to keep you all posted. Here's the first ever picture of the little squirt...or at least his father's interpretation!

The day after we found out I was pregnant...and found out what the baby looked like at 4 weeks (not much more than a blob with a spine), Matthew drew this picture for my stomach. Still haven't grown much at 10 weeks and probably won't start for a few more, so I often feel like this whole pregnancy thing is all made up. Besides the fact that I've started feeling pretty nauseated most of the day and can't eat much. Trying to at least get some protein and veggies down though. Odwalla Super Food has become my new friend....We'll start updating the "belly shots" as it grows...for those of you who won't see me much over the next few months. We've started taking them every week, but I'm afraid I don't look much different yet. We'll put them up sometime this week or next though for humor sake...and to have something to compare to when it really starts bulging! In about a week we'll have my first "second trimester" check up and hopefully hear the baby's heart beat. Wow! We'll let you know how all that goes. I'm sure Matthew will even figure out a way to record it and get it on here for you all to hear. I'll try to keep this updated every few days as changes happen to our emotions, my body, our home. We both covet your prayers over this next 7 month stretch! Let us know how you like the website, more info you'd like to see on it, if it looks right on your screen (for some reason the links keep jumping around on my computer, but not on anyone elses? Let me know if you've got the same happening!). We put some possible registery info on there for those of you who were asking but we won't actually register for a few more months...probably until we know what it is. So don't get too baby crazy yet :0) Thank you ALL for thinking about us, praying for us, encouraging us. It means more than you know. We feel so rallied around and loved by our Body of friends and family! I'm sure this little baby will too!