WOAH! 11 weeks today!!

Sometimes the idea of having a baby seems hilarious to me and more like a thing I'm talking about, but not something that's really happening to my body. Or soon to be happening to my life. I still feel like I should be running around the dorms dressed in a ridiculous "Dress N' Go Freak Show" outfit or throwing my roomate's bra out of fifth floor window...only to have it snagged on the wall right next the a second floor guys room (forgive me April?), but definitely, DEFINITELY not about to be a mom or responsible for someone else's very LIFE. Now I'm at 11 weeks and about to move into the last week of my first trimester...and on to number two, when most people say the reality of all this really settles in. I'm super thankful for all these months just to think about this and that I didn't just have a baby plopped in my lap the minute I found out I was pregnant. I think a lot of other gals agree with that. I wonder when that "Mom switch" happens. When you stop felling like a carefree, goofy girl and instead feel like a mature, responsible adult rearing a child. I'm sure other mom's reading this are laughing and thinking..."Um, did I ever make that switch?" Maybe it doesn't happen. Maybe you always feel a little unprepared and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants when it comes to growing up, becoming a mom, raising kids. I guess that's more appealing because then you don't feel like you loose yourself to some clone of a TV Land Mom and get to be yourself...just with permanent friends, those little kiddos to hang out with! But I also guess, like any other stage in your life, there are changes - both good and bad - and you just keep growing and learning to lean on Christ more...instead of your ideals for what you SHOULD look like, act like, feel, think, and so on. I'd rather conquer life and these changes and come out through it all dazzingly and to the awe and adoration of everyone...much more than just grab Christ's hand, let him lead me, get beat up by life at times, ask others for their help and prayers, and partner with the rest of the human race in needing each other and being weak as we face the ups and downs of life. Why do we all want to get it figured out so badly? So we can be envied? Instead of really being related to and loved by people who are in the same boat? Why do we want to be the one everyone is jealous of instead of the one who is a partner and friend because they KNOW what you're going through and what it's like to struggle with life? Just a thought I often come back to as I wonder why I want so badly to figure all this motherhood stuff out. Or figure anything out, for that matter. I struggle with really not wanting to need anyone and to have my act together. But those are the very people I can't stand to be around! People who look like they have everything together and are just so perky and HAPPY with life. I want to shake them and say DON'T YOU JUST HATE LIFE SOMETIMES? DON'T YOU STRUGGLE AT ALL? But I see that in myself and this desire to come across as together and with-it, when inside I may be scared poopless about life or irritated with my circumstances. In reality, I'd SO much rather be related to and loved because I was broken like the rest of the team, instead of standing lonely in my "life is great" stance. Just a thought though. I'd love to hear your feedback. What kind of person do you feel like most of the time? What kind of people do you relate to best? Why? Hope you all have a great weekend.

Yeh...she's crazy

If you asked one of my friends, she'd probably say I'm a pretty "emotionless" person, at least when it comes to crying. I was never the person to cry at the movies or over a book I was reading. Well these days, I don't know WHO has taken over my body, but majority of the time I feel like I'm wavering between insanity and well, partial insanity...My emotions, and MOOD for that matter, is all over the map...and it's highly annoying. I will be perfectly fine one minute, then the next I'm completely loosing it. It can be something as simple as not being able to get a jar open to realizing I purchased plane tickets for the wrong return date from Fort Collins. I seem to have lost all my problem-solving skills and resort to panic and "I-can't-go-on-anymore" feelings. A bit dramatic? Hmm, I would say more hard-core going-to-Hollywood type dramatics. Poor Matthew :0) He is being a trooper and loving me in spite of feeling like he's walking on eggshells some days. This morning, after my panic attack about the tickets, he emailed me this...a reminder of WHO I belong to this morning, even in this state of being snotty, panicky, whiny, etc...he writes describing a picture of Christ delighting in my THIS morning and ends by saying, "This is our God. This is our Father. He is OURS, and more importantly WE ARE HIS. WE BELONG TO HIM, on earth he fights for us because we are in the "not yet", but never forget, or better yet, always remember, that in the "already" WE ARE UTTERLY OWNED BY GOD. Keep this in your heart all day. This should be the glasses you wear today. Put this truth on, and see through it. As Christ is also breaking the blindness from my eyes, I love My Bride being refined in pools of Christ's warming healing blood, blood shed for her." That is the reminder I need daily, or rather HOURLY lately with these roller coaster emotions and mood swings. I want to hate myself for being out of control. Christ wants to scoop me up and show me how much love he has to pour out on me TODAY, in this very hour. What a mystery to my proud, self-efficient heart!!

Subscription Working Again

Sorry about the complications yesterday with subscribing to this blog. It decided to go funky on us right when we posted this for everyone. But my personal computer genius, Matthew, fixed it so you can now subscribe to the blog again...just head to the bottom of this page. Also, thanks for link suggestions! If anyone else comes across fun baby links (info, pictures, fun toys or stores)just let us know and we'll add them to the Link list.

Spring Fever

My sister, Callie, who's studying abroad in Costa Rica this semester just emailed. They've been to beaches and rain forests and dance clubs...all in just one week! After looking outside my window at work at the foot of snow, I have to admit I'm jealous...and the spring fever is hitting me a little too early this year. I'm ready for the sun and warmth that accompanies it!...Our heat has only been working on and off since the weekend. It'll be plugging along fine and dandy, then suddenly Matthew and I feel the cold creeping in. Argh, the breaker tripped again! It just won't stay put which has left us shivering in our bed halfway through the night. Then braving the frigid house in the morning getting ready for work. Last night our landlord brought us a space heater for our room until he could get to fixing the problem. That actually did wonders. I know in the hot/bulging months ahead I will be WISHING for as much coolness as possible, pining away for a frigid house...so I guess I shouldn't complain. Hope you all enjoyed the pictures. Some sillier ones are on the way. Stay warm & toasty!

want to know when something new is posted?

I know you don't want to check this every now and then only to find I've been lazy and haven't posted a thing. Well, there's a solution to that dilemma...you can now subscribe to the Baby Blog! So anytime I add recent updates, you'll get an email in your inbox saying somthing along the lines of there being a new post on the blog site. I'm not exactly sure what it'll say, so you might want to check your junk mail box a few times after you subscribe to make sure it didn't go there. Just a suggestion though. I know you're probably sick of subscribing to different newsletters, etc... We just thought it be nice for those of you who check back often. You can subscribe at the bottom of this page (in the box that says "Subscribe"...tricky ;0)

the baby blog is here

For those of you who have asked for updates and are interested in the latest with the "mini smith", we thought we'd come up with this easy way to keep you all posted. Here's the first ever picture of the little squirt...or at least his father's interpretation!

The day after we found out I was pregnant...and found out what the baby looked like at 4 weeks (not much more than a blob with a spine), Matthew drew this picture for my stomach. Still haven't grown much at 10 weeks and probably won't start for a few more, so I often feel like this whole pregnancy thing is all made up. Besides the fact that I've started feeling pretty nauseated most of the day and can't eat much. Trying to at least get some protein and veggies down though. Odwalla Super Food has become my new friend....We'll start updating the "belly shots" as it grows...for those of you who won't see me much over the next few months. We've started taking them every week, but I'm afraid I don't look much different yet. We'll put them up sometime this week or next though for humor sake...and to have something to compare to when it really starts bulging! In about a week we'll have my first "second trimester" check up and hopefully hear the baby's heart beat. Wow! We'll let you know how all that goes. I'm sure Matthew will even figure out a way to record it and get it on here for you all to hear. I'll try to keep this updated every few days as changes happen to our emotions, my body, our home. We both covet your prayers over this next 7 month stretch! Let us know how you like the website, more info you'd like to see on it, if it looks right on your screen (for some reason the links keep jumping around on my computer, but not on anyone elses? Let me know if you've got the same happening!). We put some possible registery info on there for those of you who were asking but we won't actually register for a few more months...probably until we know what it is. So don't get too baby crazy yet :0) Thank you ALL for thinking about us, praying for us, encouraging us. It means more than you know. We feel so rallied around and loved by our Body of friends and family! I'm sure this little baby will too!