WOAH! 11 weeks today!!

Sometimes the idea of having a baby seems hilarious to me and more like a thing I'm talking about, but not something that's really happening to my body. Or soon to be happening to my life. I still feel like I should be running around the dorms dressed in a ridiculous "Dress N' Go Freak Show" outfit or throwing my roomate's bra out of fifth floor window...only to have it snagged on the wall right next the a second floor guys room (forgive me April?), but definitely, DEFINITELY not about to be a mom or responsible for someone else's very LIFE. Now I'm at 11 weeks and about to move into the last week of my first trimester...and on to number two, when most people say the reality of all this really settles in. I'm super thankful for all these months just to think about this and that I didn't just have a baby plopped in my lap the minute I found out I was pregnant. I think a lot of other gals agree with that. I wonder when that "Mom switch" happens. When you stop felling like a carefree, goofy girl and instead feel like a mature, responsible adult rearing a child. I'm sure other mom's reading this are laughing and thinking..."Um, did I ever make that switch?" Maybe it doesn't happen. Maybe you always feel a little unprepared and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants when it comes to growing up, becoming a mom, raising kids. I guess that's more appealing because then you don't feel like you loose yourself to some clone of a TV Land Mom and get to be yourself...just with permanent friends, those little kiddos to hang out with! But I also guess, like any other stage in your life, there are changes - both good and bad - and you just keep growing and learning to lean on Christ more...instead of your ideals for what you SHOULD look like, act like, feel, think, and so on. I'd rather conquer life and these changes and come out through it all dazzingly and to the awe and adoration of everyone...much more than just grab Christ's hand, let him lead me, get beat up by life at times, ask others for their help and prayers, and partner with the rest of the human race in needing each other and being weak as we face the ups and downs of life. Why do we all want to get it figured out so badly? So we can be envied? Instead of really being related to and loved by people who are in the same boat? Why do we want to be the one everyone is jealous of instead of the one who is a partner and friend because they KNOW what you're going through and what it's like to struggle with life? Just a thought I often come back to as I wonder why I want so badly to figure all this motherhood stuff out. Or figure anything out, for that matter. I struggle with really not wanting to need anyone and to have my act together. But those are the very people I can't stand to be around! People who look like they have everything together and are just so perky and HAPPY with life. I want to shake them and say DON'T YOU JUST HATE LIFE SOMETIMES? DON'T YOU STRUGGLE AT ALL? But I see that in myself and this desire to come across as together and with-it, when inside I may be scared poopless about life or irritated with my circumstances. In reality, I'd SO much rather be related to and loved because I was broken like the rest of the team, instead of standing lonely in my "life is great" stance. Just a thought though. I'd love to hear your feedback. What kind of person do you feel like most of the time? What kind of people do you relate to best? Why? Hope you all have a great weekend.